Because of Her
by JeseeD
Summary: Is this how love feels like? Because if so, then love is the worst two-face bitch ever, because of Her.
1. Chapter 1

Because of Her

Is this how love feels like? Because if so, then love is the worst two-face bitch ever, because of Her.

"Love, it's like the most two-face bitch ever... It's like an addiction" Undrunk by Fletcher

A letter to you,

Hi, my name is Arizona Robbins, I'm 31 years old and I am currently living in Seattle - Washington and I am proud to announce that I have been promoted as Coordinator in Chief of the Seattle Mental Health Center six months ago, in which I have worked for the last four years of my life.

Six months.

Six months ago I was in the best stage of my life, I had finally given recognition to my efforts and I received the job promotion that I had waited for so long, the relationship with my parents had finally started to improve after some ups and downs due to my brother's sudden death and my love life was as fluid as I would like it to be, never able to settle down with a person, always casual relationships ... that's how I like it, it's easier that way, I suppose.

Until I met her ...

The most enigmatic, charismatic and mysterious beautiful woman that I had ever lies eyes on. When I met her six months ago during the celebration of my new position in the Center, I honestly never believed that someone with such a grace and elegance would fix her eyes on me, don't get me wrong, I have confidence in myself, I am hot, but She, she was another level of hotness, almost like dirty hot.

She was unquestionably the most beautiful woman in that bar, one of those women that you just can not take your eyes off and while I admired her splendid figure, her voluptuous curves as they fit perfectly in that color plum dress, her bare muscular arms but feminine at the same time, another example of femininity and strength and that along with it her black wavy hair falling in cascades over her shoulders and back. My eyes went up slowly until reaching her round breasts noticeably visible through the daring neckline, I felt tingling at the tips of my fingers just imagine myself putting my hands on such exquisite caramel skin from her chest and neck and honestly throughout her entire body.

Then I risked a look to her face and I was completely shocked for two reasons, first, by the radiant color of her lips, her dark red lips formed into a mischievous smile and this was the second reason, I was busted, she had noticed my exhaustive gaze throughout her body and soul, being able to notice the burning unbridled desire that I felt inside of me just looking at her. My cheeks blushed, I could feel the heat spread from my chest to my neck and my ears, I was certain that even the noise of people around us talking vanished for the seconds that that look held up, because then I knew, I knew that I was not in control anymore.

When she looked at me, I felt unable to take my eyes away from her eyes. She narrowed her eyes and raised her perfectly made eyebrow almost as if daring me to look away, but she knew I would not, I was trapped, her smirk gave her an air of arrogance and smugness that I felt ashamed for it, but at the same time eager to keep it going, the only thing I could think back then was "How can someone see me like this? As if she had me at her disposal? As if she knew what she was doing to me?" Because that was what was happening, she knew the effect she had on me ... She always knew.

Because of her, I was never the same as before, there was a before and after of that woman who transformed everything I knew, what I believed, what I was taught, everything that I had built for myself, my ideals, my limits, my fears, my passions... All me was transformed, changed, perpetually different.

And so, also... Broken.

Because of Her, I know what it is to really love.

Because of Her, I know what it is to hate who you love the most.

Because of her, I know what it is like to want to never feel that love again, but at the same time not wanting to let it go.

Because of Her, this is my story now, it's not the typical romantic comedy story to which everyone is accustomed in which the guy gets the girl at the end of the movie, in which after all the suffering and obstacles the love prevails.

No, my friends, in this story you may realize that sometimes love is not enough to survive everything, but enough to want to try under your own risk.

So, you want to? Do you want to know how this end? Because if so, I can assure you that you will have to sit down and read carefully, without judging, without assumptions and with your mind wide open.

Love, Arizona


	2. Chapter 2

Because of Her

Chapter 2

So, I guess you guys do really want to know what happens with my story, I don't blame you, it's quite entertaining… well that is, if reading about the hardships and the pain of another person entertains you that much.

Anyway, what I am about to tell you is a very personal story, so before judging it, I only ask you to remember that this can happen to any of you, after all, Love is blind ... or so I've heard.

I should start from the beginning, except that this story is so tangled that I wouldn't know which one is it, I guess the night I saw her for the very first time is designated as the beginning and only because I knew from that moment that she had me hooked up with just a glance, pretty cheesy, is it not? Well, it'll get worse.

That first night I saw her, she was not alone, I could tell she was in the company of three other people, I could only notice this once our gaze became too intense, so I turned my eyes away from hers. She continued her entertaining conversation with those that I can only assume were her friends.

At that time, I didn't know what to do, I remember thinking about whether it would be appropriate to approach her and talk to her or send her a drink of whatever she was taking at the time or just sit there and do nothing, either way, I never thought that someone like her would give me the time of day.

"Are you going to stare at her all night or what?" I remember my friend's voice near me. I looked almost confused, as if trying to disguise the unmistakable. She had noticed too, Hell! the whole bar noticed, as far as I was concerned.

I pretended not to understand her question in hopes she will just drop it but Jo Wilson is not known to let go a bone when she has it, isn't she? "Don't give me that look, Arizona. I may not be a lesbian but those looks that you were giving back and forth with the brunette over there could light this whole place and burn it to its ground in a matter of minutes." She said as she took another shot of tequila.

I looked at her almost bewildered. "You exaggerate way too much." I said taking a sip of my own white wine. "She is a beautiful woman, but nothing more, can't I appreciate beautiful women now?" I asked almost defensively.

Jo laughed heartily, as if what I had just said was a very good joke to her. "Of course, you can, Robbins, just try not to drool all over the place while you're at it." She said mockingly.

I rolled my eyes at her exaggerated words one more time. "Shut up!" Was the only thing I could answer. I honestly think that I was afraid that she was right.

Jo laughed a little more at my expense, before speaking once more. My eyes never leaving the figure of that woman a few steps away from me. "So? You didn't answer my question, will you just look at her all night or will you go over there and talk to her?" She asked and once again I didn't have an answer to give her. Jo must have read my silence because the next words that came out of her mouth took me by surprise. "Wait a minute! Are you afraid to go talk to her?" When I didn't answer back, she continued. "Uunbelievable! The infamous Arizona Robbins, known for attracting women like a magnet, is afraid to talk to a pretty woman in a bar, are you kidding me? Who are you and what did you do with my sluty friend?" Jo continued and when once again I kept silent, probably because she was right and I didn't know what to respond. "Oh, come on! What's the worst that can happen, that she rejects you?" My friend laughed as if it was the funniest thing she's said in a long time, well spoiler alert, she's not that funny.

"Jo, just shut your mouth. I'm not scared, I'm not afraid to talk to a woman, I've never been, not even when I was a teenager, I'm sure like hell I'm not going to start now that I'm in my thirties." I said all that in one breath ... Yep, I was definitely scared.

Jo gave me a knowing smile, "Then, why don't you go over there and play some of your magic with those blue eyes and dimples in your cheeks, you've said it before, nobody can resist the Robbins' charm." She said in an almost flirtatious tone.

I took a few seconds before answering, "She is with her friends, I can't just go and interrupt her conversation, that's not polite." I said weakly.

I remember the look that Jo gave me that night, it was like: Are you really giving me that excuse? "That's the lamest excuse you could ever made up. I, my friend, have seen you do worse things, like kissing the girl in front of her date, so don't come to me with that." Jo told me almost disappointed and then said, "I bet you can't go there and invite her a drink because I know you're just a chicken, you feel intimidated by such a woman, you just have to admit it, there's nothing wrong with saying you're afraid to approach her and be rejected in the instant." She gave me a look out of the corner of her eye. I knew she just wanted a reaction from me and it worked ... damn it, did it work.

As today I realize that if I hadn't fallen into Jo Wilson's game, I wouldn't be in the predicament in which I find myself now.

"You know what?" I got up from the seat I was in, took my last sip of wine and looked my friend straight in the eyes, "I'm gonna do it, just to prove you're wrong."

Jo smiled broadly raising her eyebrow, "And because she's that hot," she said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, that too," I said mumbling to myself, I slowly walked away from the table I shared with my annoying friend and made my way to the woman in question.

I remember feeling the beating of my heart in my throat and my sweaty hands, like the first time I asked a girl out while I was in high school. My body warmed up and I knew that my cheeks were on fire, I could feel it, the nervousness in my whole body. I remember feeling like a fool because she was definitely not the first woman I approached in a bar, Jo was right, I was like a magnet when it came to women and this woman with only one look put me out of my zone and way out of my game.

Finally, I was one step away from her, her back was directed at me, so she couldn't see my panicked face, I took a deep breath and then...

"Hey!" I remember that my voice was almost trembling, I cleared my throat, but my mouth dried again when her face was so close to mine when she turned to see me. She gave me a smile, but this time it was not malicious, more than anything, she was just kind and gentle. "Can I sit here?" I tried to regain my composure by pointing to the high chair next to her at the bar.

"Of course, you can." I remember she had an accent, I knew that because of her features she was Latina, so she probably still struggled with the language. "How's it going?" She asked trying to make light conversation.

I smiled stupidly, "Well actually, I'm here celebrating my new position at work, so I was wondering if you wanted to celebrate with me, maybe?" I remember feeling relaxed when she smiled at my words, I don't think that was the best pick up line in my book, but hey! The girl smiled, so I consider myself well served. "Can I buy you a drink?" The music in the bar wasn't too loud but I leaned towards her and immediately I could feel the scent of her perfume, sweet, but somehow naughty just the same.

I remember thinking, _'This woman exudes sensuality from the pores of her skin'_

She smiled again sweetly before answering, "That doesn't seem fair, if we're here to celebrate you, it's only fair that I invite you a drink, what do you say?" She asked raising her eyebrow and smiling sideways. What do I say? Seriously, she asked me what do I say? I'll say Hell yeah!

"Well, I say that I would like that very much, although I feel somewhat sorry to take you away from your friends, it seems that you were in an entertaining conversation." Actually, I was not sorry, I wanted her attention only on me and I got it, so I felt that I had won… _Boy was I wrong._

She laughed exquisitely, her laughter was melodious, "Oh don't worry about them, they usually forget that I'm there, so it's ok?" She said as she turned her whole body towards me to be right in front of me.

I just looked at her intensely before answering, "I find it hard to believe, no one can just forget you're there, it's not possible." I said with confidence and I remember how she looked down smiling. To this day I swear I saw her blush slightly, she has always denied it, but I know what I saw.

"Then, let's celebrate! What are you taking?" She asked trying not to be the center of attention anymore. Today I know it was just another strategy of conquest on her part, to make you feel like you are more important than anything else ... _I wish I had realized it back then_.

"White wine, please." I said immediately, "It's my celebratory drink." I added a little more.

The beautiful woman, whose names we hadn't yet exchanged, nodded before answering, "Normally people prefer champagne to celebrate." She called the bartender and ordered a glass of white wine.

"Well, I'm not like everyone else," I replied sardonically, she laughed with pleasure at my response, saying something in Spanish that I couldn't understand. I ignored this and asked, "I couldn't help but notice that you only ordered a glass of white wine, is there anything wrong with that?" I asked with simple curiosity.

"Oh there's nothing wrong with it, it's just that I don't drink alcohol." She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, she had to have noticed my facial expression because she quickly added, "That's exactly the face I get every time say that I don't drink alcohol, I just don't like the taste, you know?" She didn't feel the need to explain more and I liked that.

"Yeah, it's alright as long as we celebrate together, I don't mind if you do it with a glass of lemonade." I said and she just laughed at my antics. "Sorry, I never asked, what's your name?" I asked casually, a smile playing in my lips, which she easily returned.

"My name is Callie, pleasure to meet you." She responded by extending her hand, which I received without hesitation.

"The pleasure is all mine, Callie, my name is Arizona." I answered confidently not letting go her hand.

She smiled, that smug full of sassiness smile back to her face, leaned even closer than we already were, I remember feeling her breath on my lips, but I didn't dare to take away my eyes from her deep brown eyes as I felt myself read as the simplest open book that ever existed.

_"I know who you are, Arizona Robbins."_

And just like that, I knew that my life would never be the same after that encounter, but that is a story for another day.

* * *

**For those who are wondering if this is a Calzona story, the answer is YES, only that it's an unconventional story and some of you readers may not going to like it too much, so from this moment on, I tell you that if at any time you disagree with the story I'm telling you can simply stop reading it and not spread hatred and bad energies about what I write and for the faithful readers of my stories I only ask for your patience and to keep it together during the process, so we together can discover how this story ends. Please and thank you!**

**Someone said in a comment that I don't finish my stories, I think the only story that is unfinished is Love in the Time of the Cholera and that's because I've been in the worst writer's block in history with that particular story, I know what I want and how I want it to happen, but the words just don't flow just me, but believe me I'm going to finish it, when? I don't know but I plan to do it.**

**Needless to remind you that English is not my first language and therefore I apologize for the many grammatical errors that you surely will find in this story from now on.**

**Have a great week!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Because of Her**

**Chapter 3**

I remember feeling my heart beat up in my chest like never before, she knew who I was, but I hadn't the slightest idea who she was back then. Believe me, if I had ever seen her around, I would hardly have forgotten about her.

So now I was intrigued and with greater reason I had a great impulse to know this woman who apparently already knew me from somewhere.

"What do you mean you know me?" I asked with a nervous smile and just she bursted out laughing again.

" Relax! I only know your name because I recognized you from the photos and that's because my sister keeps telling me how this blonde woman stole her dream job in front of her nose." She answered calmly, my hand still in her hand, like if they belonged together. I didn't want to let go of her soft, smooth hand and apparently, she did not want to do it either.

My mind started running for all the people this beautiful woman could be referring to and then I realized. "Aria Torres? You sister is Aria Torres?" My smile widened much more. At that time Aria and I were rivals, always at the head of the other and in this move I came out victorious, I got the job and so she had to obey everything I ordered, advantages of being the chief now.

Callie smiled even more, "Yes, Aria is my sister and she keeps telling me you stole her job, which I assume we're celebrating about it right now." She tilted her head to the side as if thinking of the facts, revealing a bit of her neck ... _I must say, it distracted me._

"I did not steal anything from her, I'm just the best, the position was open to those who were interested, we both were and in the end I got the job, I don't see how that's stealing." I said with confidence that always characterized me ... _Because of her, I don't know if I would ever get to have that level of confidence again._

"That's exactly what I said." Callie laughed lightly, then took her lemonade and lifted it toward me. "I'm sorry for my sister, but that's the way life is. Now I officially want to congratulate you and toast your successes, Arizona Robbins, I'm sure you deserve it." I raised my glass and toasted to it with her.

She always had that thing, that way of hypnotizing me, her eyes were magnetic somehow, I remember not being able to take my eyes off of hers. It was very strange and I didn't know what was happening, I literally had just met this woman and she is already making me feel things that I had never felt before.

"Thanks, Callie." It was all I could say, what else could I say, come with me to my house? I'll make you breakfast in the morning? Go on a date with me? No, not yet, "Well, since you apparently know about me, why don't you tell me about yourself, so we can be even." I added quickly, wanting to know everything about her ... _I never thought that wanting to know everything was worse than knowing anything._

"Well I'm a business woman," she lowered her voice getting closer to me, by then we were both already in each other's personal space and I liked it, more than I'd like to admit today. "I'm in charge of one of the largest hotel and tourism companies in the country, which means that I am in constant movement to other parts of the continent, but I like it just like that ..."

I remember vividly each one of the things we talked about that night, she told me everything about her business and how it had been raised by her own means, starting with only one website on the internet and bank loans, thus becoming independent of her parents, the same way that her sister Aria did. She told me what her goal was with her business and I remember that I could only think in that moment: _independent, strong and beautiful, she must be the complete package, right? ... and what a package it turned out to be her._

I remember we talked for hours until they told us they were about to close the bar, then we noticed that her friends were gone and mine friend Jo at some point left too. Callie offered to take me home since I had arrived there with my friend and she certainly was the designated driver since she did not have a drop of alcohol in her system.

And I ... I just wanted to keep talking to her and have her around somehow. She took my hand and led me out of the bar. I remember feeling her body close to mine, she was warm and I was cold in the frozen night of Seattle, so I got closer to her even more to maintain contact and she put her arm around my shoulders as if she had noticed.

I don't remember saying another word, or having heard her say anything else, probably because I was slightly intoxicated. We walked silently to the car and resumed the conversation inside on the way to my house ... _I didn't want__ to __stop talking__to her, funny, today I can't stand every time she tries__ to __talk__ to __me._

When we got to my building, she got out and cavalierly opened the door for me, I smiled at her gesture before walking towards the entrance. I remember feeling nervous for some silly reason, I remember feeling scared too, scared not to see her again ... _pathetic,_ _right?_ _I still have that fear._

"I really liked meeting you, Arizona." She stood before me in all her splendor and beauty, took me by the hand and went on, "It's nice to know that you're not at all like the evil version my sister has of you, you are really -"

"Awesome!" I finished up for her, earning a light laugh from her.

"Yes, you're awesome." She said almost in a whisper and approached me a little more ... I remember wanting so much for her to finally kiss me, I felt the urgency in my lips, I wanted her close and I knew that she did too.

So, I took a chance, "Do you want to go upstairs and have a drink, maybe coffee?" I took a step closer to her and so we were mere inches from each other.

She smirked before answering, "I don't think that's a good idea." She said softly.

In response, I remember doing something like a little tantrum, I frowned and made a pout, which she responded by massaging between my eyebrows so I would stop frowning. The tips of her fingers were soft and delicate. "Why not?" I asked looking into her eyes and her touch went from my forehead to my cheek ... she was so close I could feel her breathing.

She smiled at my almost childishly made out question. "Well, to begin with, you're a little drunk -" I started to refute such a thing but she would not let me, placing a finger on my lips and preventing me from saying anything else, "And I have to leave, I have a flight to Chile in three hours and lastly but not least, I don't think it's appropriate." She finished with all the reasons why and I just didn't care about any of those reasons.

"Isn't it appropriate for whom?" I asked exasperated, my hands on her waist pulling her closer to me.

"For both of us." She said slightly ... _At that time, I didn't understand but today I would like to not want to understand._

"Am I going to see you again, at least?" How I hated to feel so desperate to see her again at the time, I had only met her that night and I felt as if I already missed her presence, I felt ridiculous, but at the same time I did not care.

"I'm coming back in a week, I'm sure we can arrange something by then and you have my number now, so feel free to give me a call whenever you want." She said softly, her hand now going to massage the back of my neck. "I'd like that very much." She leaned in and gave me a light kiss on the cheek before hugging me.

I remember feeling her aroma in my nostrils, the perfect combination between her perfume, the smell of her hair and the characteristic smell of only her, I returned the hug with or even more desire. I remember not wanting to let go, her body pressed against mine, her hair brushing my face, her lips on my neck and her strong arms around my body. Everything was too much, my heart quickened, but I felt calm and after a few minutes of that intense hug, when she started backing away, I couldn't contain myself anymore.

I remember putting my right hand on her neck and another hand around her waist to hold her where she was, her lips were so close that I could feel her breath on mine, our noses brushed together as well as our foreheads and for the longest seconds of history we stayed like this, in my mind I remember thinking that I wanted her to take the next step but she never did, that's when she whispered my name ... _Arizona_ ... so delicately that I couldn't hold it any longer.

As soon as she pronounced my name that way, my mouth was on her and the contact with her lips felt so good that an uncontrollable moan left my body.

I remember that first kiss as if it had been the last one I had, her lips were so soft and thick that they make me want to bite them and that's what I did. I took her lower lip between my teeth and bit it lightly, she moaned with me, I felt her grip on my body tightened a lot more, our bodies were so close together that the rhythm of our hearts could be confused in one another. Her tongue invaded my mouth and I didn't object to receive it, we kissed I don't know for how long and every time I thought that the kiss would end due to the lack of oxygen, we simply breathed in and out and started kissing again.

Her lips were addictive, her smell was addictive, her eyes enigmatic, deep and beautiful and with time after that night, I meet her intimate touch, the ecstasy and passion that she has made me feel is something incomparable. I must say that I don't think I will ever find a person who makes me feel as much as she has made me feel since that night.

_Because of Her, I may be ruined for the rest of the world._


	4. Chapter 4

**Because of her**

**Chapter 4**

Are you still there? Are you still interested? I feel that up to a certain level you will be able to connect with me through my story, who knows, maybe something good comes out of all this, it's the only thing I can hope for.

Anyway, let's go back to the memory land a little more, I feel like I have to tell the beginnings of the story before getting into it itself and so I won't feel like a total failure, because me, being a psychological therapist recognized by my ability to read people and extensive knowledge in Neurolinguistic Programming, could be dragged into this hole without apparent purpose that is my relationship with Callie Torres.

Of course, at that time I didn't know what I was getting into and that's where I went wrong, I tried to separate my personal life from the professional one and that was when I put aside my psychoanalytic side – if that's even a thing - and didn't notice the signs that were clearer than the crystal clear water of the first tears that I shed because of her. When I finally realized what was happening it was too late to go back, I was already deep down into it, my rational self could only watch from the bay how my heart was being destroyed without being able to do anything about it.

Clearly at first everything was so different. The next morning after our first encounter, I felt myself in a cloud floating in the sky, regardless of the slight hangover I was feeling and that headache right behind my eyes. No, nothing mattered to me, because the longer my eyes were closed, her face could appear in my thoughts and that almost relieved my pain ... _Funny, now every time I close my eyes and see her face, pain is all I can feel_.

I remember spending much of the day at home, it was Sunday after all, in the afternoon when I was finally able to get out of bed, eat something and shower, I checked my phone and found a text message from her, I remember it was something around the lines: _"I hope the hangover is not so bad and call me whenever you want."_ I don't remember it well, I was half drunk yet, so bear with me.

I remember my urgency though, to call her and listen to her voice, but I refrained myself from doing it, I didn't want to seem too interested, although deep down I knew it was useless, even she knew it ... I know she knew it.

The first time we spoke on the phone, her voice was low and raspy, as if she was resting, I remember feeling bad for interrupting her rest, but she assured me that she was fine and I selfishly didn't want to cut the call either.

I remember talking to her every day of that week, via texts or calls and even video calls, everything felt so natural that I didn't want to stop, I never wanted to stop talking to her, she was so easy to talk to that it was impossible, we could talk about any topic, none in particular, all equally important _... It felt so good to find someone to talk to like that, I felt good, I was so naive._

"So, I'll be back to Seattle in a few hours for four days this time." She told me while waiting at the airport in Santiago de Chile. We were on video call while I had a light breakfast in my brand-new office at the Mental Health Center. I remember making a face at what she laughed at. "I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do, I don't live in Seattle, you know?" She mentioned.

"I know, I just thought you would be here for a longer so I could show you this dreamy place that I want you to try here in Seattle." I said winking at her.

"I'm sure we'll find time to do that and much more." I perfectly remember her flirtatious tone she used to told me that, according to her, she was just being innocent with her words and I was the one with the dirty mind _..._ _Innocent?_ _Not even if she tried._

"I can't wait for you to be here." I said almost nostalgic and excited at the same time. I missed her, how can you miss someone you've only seen in person once and with a bottle of white wine down in your system? Apparently I was that person ... _so sad to think about it today._

Later that day, I remember that my friend Jo Wilson, approached me at the nursing station and I only remember this well because her words were something like ...

"So, are you going to bang that brunette from the other night tonight?" Her words took me so by surprise that I recall looking everywhere and noticing that there was nobody around who had heard her. I was so mortified.

"Why would you ask me something like that? In the middle of a hallway of all places." I gave her a disapproving look.

"Oh, relax! There is no one here anymore, all the patients are in their rooms, the nurses are in their break and all the other doctors have already gone home, we are the only ones in this place, so spill! Where are you taking her? Your apartment or to a hotel or is she taking you to her hotel room? There're so options" She went on and on and on and I could only think about how much I wanted to put a ball of paper into her mouth so she would shut up for once.

Because right then, the main doors of the Center opened and my eyes couldn't believe what they saw.

"Because, I mean, is she something serious or just a one-night thing, I mean, you have been talking to her nonstop all week, maybe it's something else, or is this another one of your Robbins charm strategies?" Now I was even more mortified. I remember thinking, _'this can't be happening to me'_.

"Jo, shut up! Please just shut up." Seeing her mischievous grin and raised eyebrow, I could feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Jo's back was to her and therefore Jo seems to have no filter tonight.

"But why? We always talk about these things ... What? What are you looking at?" When my friend finally turned around, she noticed the brunette in question right behind her. "Oh my God!" Her face was priceless, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were there." Jo stepped back and was met with my front, she let out a squeak of surprise and I couldn't take it anymore, I let out a mocking laugh. "I think it would be better for me to leave now, yeah, I definitely better go now, see you tomorrow, Robbins." The girl took her things and ran out of there, leaving me alone to deal with her mess on my own.

"Woah!, your friend is something else, isn't she?" She approached cautiously a step away from me and immediately I was invaded by her perfume and I could feel the urge to hold her like that night.

I didn't answer at first, I was stunned by her beauty, by her presence, "Yeah, she tends to be a loudmouth. What ... what are you doing here?" To say that I was surprised to see her at my place of work was just a way of saying, I knew she would come back today but I didn't think I would get to see her here.

She smiled sweetly, "Well, first, come here ..." The next thing I knew she wrapped me in her embrace and I swear it was as intense as the first time, so I could rule out that whatever I felt that first time had nothing to do with the wine I had taken during the night. No, that was all because of her ... till this day, every time she hugs me, even if I'm mad at her, I have the same feeling of never wanting to let her go again. "And second, you told me you were getting off at this time so I waited at my hotel room and came to surprise you, are you surprised?" She asked me and she looked so sweet that I just wanted to hold her one more time and that's what I did.

"Yes, I'm surprised." I gave her a light kiss on her cheek. "I'm so glad you're finally here." I said softly and looked straight into her eyes. I lost myself in her eyes since that night and in that moment, I just confirmed it.

Being close to her felt so good so normal, as if I already knew her from so long ago and at the same time wanted to know way more… _How naive was I back then and still am right now, she's still an enigma to me, every time I feel I'm closer to understanding her, she does something or says something and I'm back to__score one._

I fulfilled my promise and took her to this beautiful place near the bay, a small restaurant-bar only twenty minutes from the Center, initially I wanted to take her to a fancy restaurant, but after our conversations during the week, I understood that that was not very her style. She was the kind of person who exudes elegance and money, but she is as humble and simple as they come.

This place gave a serene and dreamed, almost magical vibe, with bright lights everywhere, I swear her smile looked even more beautiful under those bright lights. Our conversation was light while we waited for our food, our table next to a large window overlooking the coast allowed the atmosphere of calm and simplicity I wanted so much for her to experience that night.

I remember losing myself in her eyes once again while she told me everything about her trip to Chile and what were her plans to follow, when something she said caught my attention.

"If everything goes as planned, I could be opening a new branch of my hotels franchise here in Seattle, what do you think?" I just thought it was the best news in the world, because that meant ...

"Are you going to move here?" I couldn't contain my joy, I smiled so hard I could feel my cheeks ache, if she was here, that meant she would be close and maybe this, whatever was going on between us, would have a chance… _what a fool was I._

Callie laughed at my apparent euphoria and excitement before answering, "Well, I must supervise the whole project so, yes, I'm going to live here for a few months and since you're the only person I know here besides my business partners, I think I'm going to need your tourist guide. " She said as a matter of fact.

I narrowed my eyes at her words, "Callie, your sister Aria lives here too, I'm not the only person you know." I just wanted to know her reaction, of course I would love to be her tourist guide… _I wanted to be her everything._

She leaned over the table and looked seriously, "Yeah but you're way so much more fun than her." She winked at me and went back to her original position, "But, if you don't want to, that's fine too..."

I interrupted her immediately, " Nope, I want to, of course I want to be your tourist guide, Callie."

She gave me an almost triumphant smile, "Okay." It was her simple response, once our food was served, we kept talking slightly until she asked, "So are we going to talk about what your friend said earlier or not?" I remember I almost drown myself in my iced tea which I was drinking at the time of her question.

I felt a deeply blush rush through my cheeks and was about to apologize, but when I looked at her she just smiled at me, again with that sculpted eyebrow lifted, almost challenging me not to answer her question. "I'm sorry about her, sometimes she doesn't have a filter in the things she says." I felt ashamed, but she just kept giving me a funny smirk.

"But is it true?" She took me by surprise again. "What are your intentions with me? And what was that Robbins charm she was talking about? "She asked that arrogant smile on her face again.

"Umm… excuse me?" I could only pretend that I did not know what she meant.

"You heard me." She said with certainty, our eyes held for a few more seconds and when I finally thought that she would get me out of my misery, "So, are you going to answer my question?" She asked once more.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" I asked blushing again, but gaining some composure to see her amused attitude, then I understood that she was enjoying my discomfort. She shook her head at my rhetorical question so that's when I answered honestly. "I don't know, I just know that I want to spend more time with you and get to know you more and see what happens, how does that sound?" I asked back.

"Sounds good to me Arizona, I cannot wait to know everything about you." She answered softly, but confidently and I remember that her words gave me a warm feeling in my stomach, as if it was exactly what I wanted to listen… _Now I hate that she knows me so well._

And that's what we did, the following days we spent every night together due to my work and her many meetings, we would meet for lunch and at night we would go out to eat or just walk around the city talking, then she went back to Miami where she lived then.

When she finally moved to Seattle for her new hotel, we spent much more time together or at least we try, we talked every day, we spent most of our free time together, it was a platonic friendship that we built, neither of us made the move to change it, I of course I wanted something more and I could notice it in her too.

She was the most attentive and gentle person with me, she had this way of talking to me and taking care of me that made me feel important to her, I could feel the sincerity in her words, I could talk about anything with her without feeling judged or ashamed.

I felt heard and although our professions were so different, none of us felt like it was something that pull us away, on the contrary brought us closer, I could teach her the best of my world and she of hers and that was fine, but there were days when I just wanted to kiss her until she lost consciousness, until our lips hurt, I wanted to touch her, feel her, hold her and caress her and I could see it in her eyes that she wanted the same, the tension was palpable, anyone with two fingers in front could notice and despite all this, she was always somehow ... _reserved._

At that time I didn't notice it, I thought she was an open book to me the same way I was with her, but remember that, the signs were there and I was blind that I didn't see them… _if I had everything would be so different now, I keep telling myself_

I still remember that day when I tried to change things, I gathered the courage to talk to her, I was so nervous that I could feel my hands tremble. I remember not recognizing myself, because, like I said so many times before, I could talk to her about anything and yet this made me nervous.

I remember perfectly this day, it was two months and a week after her return from Chile, she called me to come to the building that would be inaugurated as her new hotel in a few days, the place was beautiful and just as she wanted it, I remember her excitement while showing me the whole place, she was happy and I was happy for her.

I remember her hand in my hand, we went to the top floor or penthouse, that would be her new home because according to her, she still couldn't find the right apartment for her ... _now I know that she just wanted to settle down in no specific place._

Once up, her smile was so wide that I couldn't contain myself anymore, "Callie, can we talk, please?" My nerves somehow calmed down at the sight of that smile, but my heart was still beating strongly against my chest, same or stronger than the first time I saw her and the first time I kissed her.

"I wanted to talk to you too." She casually mentioned, "Do you want some wine, while we talk?" She walked to the kitchen area and opened a portable freezer and took out the bottle of white wine. "I need to go shopping soon and bring my things from Miami, I'm tired of living out of hotels thing, I need my own stuff, you know?" While she was still talking, I couldn't help but noticing her phone at the breakfast bar.

"Well, if you want to, I could help you with that." I answered her unformulated question, but soon after I said that, what I noticed on her phone left me puzzled.

She laughed heartily, "I was hoping you would say that." When Callie turned to pour me a glass of wine, I think she saw my serious and confused face. "What's up with that face?" She asked half laughing.

"Callie, ¿who is Sarah?" I asked curious and that's when I noticed the change in her posture and her uncertain look, she was nervous and confused. Just for the record, I had never seen her that way before that day.

"We need to talk."

And just like that, the bubble in which we were, was about to pop in my face, but you want to know what the funny part is? That, Sarah, was just the tip top of this rare and unconventional story to which you and I both signed up for.

So buckle your sit-belt because this will be one hell of a ride.

* * *

**How you guys doing there? Still want to know? You can always say no, you know…**

**Let me know what you think about this and what you think is going to come next**


	5. Chapter 5

**Because of her**

**Chapter 5**

Her eyes, I remember how her eyes ruminate my body like a predator to her prey, her eyes were so dark Like the night that was fanning through the window in her room that night, it was an incredibly dark night, I remember thinking it was weird but my thoughts were quickly diverted when her hands reached my waist almost pulling me towards her but not doing it all together, I knew that this movement was intentional, she wanted me to believe that the option of approaching me was mine when in fact she controlled it everything.

"Are you sure you want me to keep going?" She asked me in a lower voice, her voice was thick and hoarse and made bristle my skin just listening to her, but she never took her eyes from mine. "Remember, this is your deal, I just follow the rules, your rules." She smiled sideways, which made it clear that her statement was nothing but sarcasm.

"I want you." It was the only thing I could say, I wanted to gain more control, but with a single glance of her, I collapsed right into her arms.

"Where do you want me?" She asked, the arrogant smile never leaving her lips. "You have to tell me." She was enjoying what she was doing to me, every reaction she got from me was for her enjoyment and that almost made me retreat ... I said almost.

"I want you to kiss me." I replied instead, pretending to have some confidence, I didn't fool anyone and certainly not her.

Once she smiled at me again, she leaned close to my face, her lips almost touching mine, "Do you want me to kiss you here?" Her fingers gravitated towards my cheeks, I couldn't answer with words, so I shook my head in denial. "No? then you want me to kiss you ... here?" Her hands migrated down from my face to my chest, her fingers caressing the edges of my breasts, again she leaned over and this time I let her kiss me in the valley my breasts, she put her tongue between my boobs and I remember feeling my body was on fire.

I squeezed my legs together trying to calm the throbbing feeling that came from my core and it was even worse because the fit of my pants just pressed in the right place, if you know what I mean. She sucked between my breasts so hard that I knew immediately that it would leave me a mark to wear the next day, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I put my hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back and made her sit on the edge of the bed, she raised her eyebrow questioning my movements, I stopped standing between her wide-open legs, her face at the height of my black leather belt. She laughed, "Oh! I know where you want me to kiss you then."

I put a single finger on her lips, "No talking." I wanted some control in this, I needed it and she understood it or that was what I assumed, when she nodded. The next thing I knew was that she started to remove the belt, awfully slow, she knew what was causing in me and still didn't care. I knew she enjoyed it because, in effect, I imposed my rules and my limits on our relationship and the terms of it, but even so, I only wanted her to stop gloating about my torture.

She opened the button and unzipped my pants before lifting the hem of my shirt, revealing my flat stomach, all without taking her eyes off mine. Her desire for me radiated from her eyes and her touch and that somehow reassured me. It helped me not to think I was just a loser who could not refuse her and her touch ... _in my subconscious, I knew it was true, I was just a loser because of her._

She kissed my abdomen while lowering the edge of my pants, revealing my underwear, I would like to say that it was sexy underwear, but, come on, this is not one of those unrealistic movies, this was reality and the reality is that that night I was wearing Regular black underwear, deal with it.

I helped her remove my pants completely and my shirt on my own, her hands migrated to my ass, taking a handful of my buttocks on each of her hands as she placed a delicate but steady kiss on my lower abdomen. My whole body shuddered to feel her breathing so close to my need, she slowly lowered my thong without taking her eyes away, almost asking for approval, I just nodded, I needed her, what else could I do? So she would finally place her ravenous mouth on my lips and...

"Dr. Robbins, are you still daydreaming?" My eyes snapped open as I heard the question coming from my office door. I took a few seconds to compose myself because I was in fact, in my office, daydreaming about her and the first time we had sex ... _Why do I keep doing this to myself?_

"What can I do for you, Dr. Torres?" My cheeks were burning with embarrassment and it did not help that I had wetted my underwear ... _talk about uncomfortable_.

"Let me guess, my sister again?" I could feel the joy emanating from her as she reminded me that, as a matter of fact, I am a loser. "I told you, she's not going to change, I told you from the beginning, and here you are, being her collateral damage one more time. You have to know that you're neither the first and certainly, don't think you will be the last, being in the same situation, isn't it? Drama and bad decisions is what haunts my sister." Aria shrugged her shoulders as if her words were full of wisdom or rather as if she cared for me.

I just nodded and smiled politely, "Is there's anything I can help you with, Dr. Torres? because if not then I suggest you go back to your work and do not go snooping around your chief's personal life." With that, Aria turned around and left, for a moment there I thought she would fight back every word I said, but she didn't and for someone like her, I found it weird.

Anyways, her words, although malicious, were true, which does not help me in any way, nor did Callie's words when I learned about Sarah.

I remember her face calm and serene, as if it was not a big deal when she told me the truth about this woman.

"She's my wife." She said as if it was the most common thing in the world and it was, she never actually mentioned it before, but that didn't imply that she wasn't involved with someone else, once again I was the loser who believed that because we had good chemistry there couldn't be something else going on in her personal life.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?" I could feel my mouth immediately dry at her admission, "Your wife?" I asked again almost begging to have heard wrong but it was not like that.

"Yes." Again, she settled calmly. "But it's complicated." She added.

Wait what? "Complicated? What's so complicated about you having a wife? And why didn't you tell me? And I kissed you, oh my God, I kissed a married woman." That last part I said muttering, I must admit that I started to freak out just thinking about it.

"Arizona, calm down please." She tried to get closer to me, but I backed away.

"Calm down? Calm down?!" I was about to start losing all kinds of serenity. "Callie, you're married, how do you expect me to calm down?" I asked indignantly, she acted as if it were nothing, when in fact, it was everything ... _at least I thought_ _so_ _at the time, I definitely was not ready for the rest of the story._

"Yes, calm down, so I can be able to tell you how things are," She said in a serious tone, leaving no room to argue. "Please, sit down." I was still in shock to respond or do something, actually the first thing I wanted to do was run out of that room, but I didn't and that's where I went wrong.

Her place still didn't have much except the kitchen, I sat in one of the high chairs in the breakfast bar and she sat across from me in the same position, face to face. It reminded me of the feeling I had when we first met in that bar.

"Yes, I have a wife, but things are different for us." She started her explanation but I just frowned in confusion.

"How different? What does that even mean?" I was intrigued.

"We are married, yes, but we are also with other people." My eyebrows quite possibly reached the line of my hair at her admission. "Before you say anything, it's an agreement between us, for some years, we've been like this, initially we just flirted with other people just for fun, but then all that became attraction and with it comes the temptation, we both decided we didn't want to hide it from each other, we didn't want to go around having flings and then going back home as if nothing happened, at least I'm not like that, I'm not an cheater, so we reached an agreement in which we can have other relationships outside of our marriage and staying together at the same time, I don't know how people here call it, but it's the only way I have to explain it to you."

"An open marriage?" I asked with a heavy sigh, I didn't really know what else to do.

She nodded, "Yeah, I guess that's a way to call it." She shrugged.

I couldn't believe the ease with which she said things, I pinched the tip of my nose, a million questions surrounding my head. "Callie, you're telling me that you can have other romantic relationships and still have a wife? And in what terms do you have these "other relationships"?" I use quotes almost mocking the absurdity of her confession. "Is it just sex and nothing else or just use polyamory as a way of life?" I just wanted to get out of there.

"NO! It's not just sex, I love the people I'm with and I love my wife, Arizona, it's just that I'm always traveling, she's always busy and we both enjoy the company of other people some time. Call it polyamory or whatever you want, but the truth is that the human being is capable of loving more than one person while being in a loving relationship- "

" Woah!" I interrupted her when something in her speech caught my attention, "The people you're with? Like in present tense?"

She looked at me kind of confused before answering, "Well, yea."

I narrowed my eyes in doubt and surprise at the same time, "Are you telling me that right now you have a relationship, a romantic relationship, with another person, besides your wife?" I remember thinking: Please say no, please say no, but instead, she said…

"Yes, in fact, I had two, but with the girl I used to date, it didn't work out any longer, when you and I met in that bar, I was going through a break with Emily, things were bad and when o went to Miami a few weeks ago everything ended between us." While she explained what seemed to be taken out of a bad European film, I could only think that all this was a bad idea, but did I leave there despite what she told me? No, the answer is no. "She couldn't handle the fact that I had my wife and Nicolas, my other partner." She added quickly.

I remember having many questions, but the first thing I said was, "Yea, no kidding." Accompanied by a sarcastic laugh.

Callie just smiled at me, kind of like apologizing and took my hand. "Arizona, I like you and not only as a friend, that's why I didn't tell you from the beginning, I just wanted you to meet me before judging my way of life, I really hope you can see beyond this because I really want to take you to dinner on a real date." She said and where I expected to find softness and tenderness in her eyes, I found grandeur instead. Clearly, she was not used to being told no.

"Callie, I cannot date someone who is dating someone else, that just feels bad." I pulled my hand away and got up to leave. "I like you a lot too, Callie, you know that," she smiled at my admission. "But I just can't." I walked to the door ready to leave completely when ...

"Are you completely sure of that, Arizona?" She reached up and took my hand again almost preventing me from leaving the room, in her action she drew my body to her, my breasts collided with her front and our breaths were mixed in between. "Because I think I can make you change your mind."

What do you think? Do you think she made me change my mind? Mmm ... as you answer that question for me, let me remind you that, after all, I am indeed a loser _Because of Her._


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey you guys, I'm sorry I haven't been able to update as much as you like but I just got a new job in a different city and I'm adjusting to everything.**

**I hope you like this one and remember to keep your minds open, there's more to the story and soon you will know more of Callie side of the story and if you don't like it, you guys know you can walk away and not read anymore.**

**Have a great rest of the week, will hopely see you on weekend.**

* * *

**Because of her**

**Chapter 6**

I could feel her eyes on me and as expected she always gained a reaction from me, I hated it. I hated it then and I hate it now, how she with only one look can make me feel so many things ... Love, hate, anger, joy, sadness, surprise, desolation, hope, disappointment and let's not talk about the reactions that she gets from my body, those are in a whole different category.

My body knows her, it wants her, it yearns for her and sometimes I feel guilty and ashamed for it.

I am sitting in front of her in a luxurious restaurant to which she is a guest of honor, her best friend, Mark Sloan, is opening the restaurant and I am here as her plus one ... _I should have said no, but when have I been able to say No to this woman._

"Are you going to ignore my presence all night?" Ah the joy of indifference, I think it's the only weapon I can use against her. In a battle that I feel so unarmed, ignoring her or at least trying to, it's the best I can do to keep up in this fight.

"Arizona? I'm talking to you." Her voice was calm, but during the time I've known her I can recognize the stiffness and annoyance of her tone ... _Funny, she used to be so sweet and gentle when addressing me._

Now it's just a sway of whoever keeps control and I must admit, I'm getting tired ... enough to get away completely? I'm not sure about that, yet.

"And I'm trying to ignore you, can't you see it?" I pretend to read something on my phone, when I don't actually have any message or email, I just want to not have to see her stare at me or for sure, I'll be gone and before I know, I will be among her sheets under the touch of her sweaty skin and her panting breath.

"I can see that, but could you, please, look at me and talk to me like a normal person." With every word that came out of her mouth, her Latin accent was noticeable even more, I noticed that this happened when she began to lose patience and anger took charge of her, but at this point I could care less.

"I'm talking to you, Calliope." The use of her full name plus my tone of voice, is far from being an expression of affection and more as a way to let her know that I don't want to continue with this stupid conversation that keeps going on in circles ... But if I'm being honest, I'm really just provoking her and I'm not ashamed to say, that's exactly what I want ... _What is adulthood, again?_

"You're not even looking at me." She hissed annoyed, but still my eyes were glued to the screen of my cell, this was until her palm hit the surface of the table where we were sitting. This took me by surprise and effectively won its purpose, my eyes wide open almost afraid, because I had never seen this side of her, at least not in this kind of place and certainly not directed to me.

I put my phone on the table and I tilted my head to the side crossing my arms over my chest, letting her know that whatever she was going to say, I was not in the mood to listen.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Now you're letting your hot temper go wild in front of everyone here?" I say in a scolding way.

"You are the one who's ignoring me." In her eyes I can still see the blazing fire, but at the same time see the plead of someone who only wants attention. As I said, indifference is the best course of action I can find to keep my head up in front of her.

"Callie, you know I don't want to be here, I don't even like your friend Sloan and I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me either." I let her know my discontent for what seems to be the millionth time. "The only reason I'm here is because you said you had something important to tell me, so here I am Callie. What is so important that you have to tell me and that it was absolutely necessary to come to this thing? You know that this is not really my thing."

"As I told you the first ten times you asked me," She was exasperated, but really, I didn't care. "This is the only chance I'll have to talk to you because I'm going on a trip to New York tomorrow night, if you had taken any of my calls in the last few days, I would have had more time to explain -"

"Oh you going to New York? So it's Nick's weekend, then?" I interrupted her, jealousy boiling my blood just thinking that she will spend god knows how long in New York, doing god knows how many things with her other partner ... _This It's stupid!_ _She is not even my wife, oh wait ... She already has one!_

This tumult of thoughts goes through my mind, while she just stares at me, she squints and stares at me. After what seems to be hours of looking at each other, she decides to continue.

"If you must know, no, I'm not going to New York to be with Nickolas, it's a business trip with the investors of my hotels in the city, happy now?" She copied the position I'm in, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, just mentioning her "boyfriend" and the memory of that she, in fact, has a wife, in Miami, makes me want to shout a few truths to her face and then run away.

"The point is, what I have to say, I have to say it now or it will be worse later, I'll be back in a few days, if you are willing and if you want, we can talk more calmly." Always trying to make me believe that who matters It's me, and you know something, for months I seriously thought it was true ... How does indifference play out really, ah?

"Callie, just say it!" I said whispering screaming.

"Ok!" She took a deep breath and looked at me with guilt in her eyes and I have to say, I had never seen such a thing reflected in her eyes more than when we discussed the initial terms of our relationship.

Yes, I remember that day, it was two days after she bombarded me with the wife, the open marriage and a third person involved in this, a man named Nickolas, who lived in New York who she met because he was one of the firm's attorneys that she'd hired to do the negotiations for her first hotel in New York, he was a divorced man with two daughters and no intention to formalize any relationship rather than having Callie.

Do you want to know how that went? My money is on yes, you do...

I was pacing back and forth in the living room of my 503 apartment, it was a good apartment, the building was in the middle of important places like my work place and the best hospital in the city, from which some of my psychiatric patients were usually referred to us, but that is not important for the story right now, the important thing is that sitting on my large black leather sofa, sat the woman who only a couple of days ago had told me that, not only did she have a wife, but she had another partner, since she was in an open marriage with said wife.

I couldn't believe it at first and after our conversation that day I just left, wanting to have some space, everything that was happening was crazy ... even to this day I don't think I can understand everything very clearly.

Today, I have only reached one conclusion, I am in love with a woman who is in love with two other people and one of them is actually her wife... crazy right? Do you know what else is it? Pathetic! Some people might say I have zero self - esteem and that may be true or maybe not, all I know is that day in my apartment I wanted to believe that I really could keep control of the situation, when in fact, I haven't been in control of anything since I met her.

Anyway, I think I strayed into my thoughts again. Back to my memories...

She was sitting on my couch, looking beautiful as usual, when her voice stopped me on my tracks, "Arizona." Her voice, the way she said my name, to this day, there's no way I'm not paralyzed when listening to her call my name that way. "Please, come and sit with me." She whispered once more, her voice low, delicate, gentle.

It only took one look from her to me, one look and I felt powerless. I walked towards her and sat next to her, my body and gaze trying, just trying to hold it back, but then she stroked my cheek with her soft smoothly hands, her hand went from my cheek to the base of my neck and started to play with my hair...

Jesus Christ! It was the only thing I could think of back then, my body was beginning to react in ways that I had only felt when being close to her and we haven't even had sex, for all I knew, she could be bad in bed - which was dubious - and even then, I would be perfectly satisfied with just one touch of her.

"Callie, I really like you." I said in a low voice, I closed my eyes as I enjoyed her touch a little more.

"I like you too." Then I knew that she was in my personal space, her breath was on my face, her breath on my cheek and then a light kiss at the base of my ear, put the nerve terminals in my entire my body on fire

That's when I opened my eyes, I needed to recover, to recover my composure and to think with my head and not with my lady parts - if you know what I mean - and even then, when all I wanted was to maintain a propitious distance, I found myself almost recessed to that leather sofa.

"But… I can't do this." Finally, I managed to say what my brain took so long to resolve, talk about malfunctional brain.

"Can't do what, Amor?" I remember thinking it was so unfair that she used her native language to continue seducing me, I mean, there I was, trying to do the right thing and she just said a word in Spanish and I was about to lose all reason ... _it was not fair then and it is not fair now._

"Don't do that?" I said weakly, bringing my hands to my face and tilting my elbows on my thighs.

"Do what?" She then placed her warm hand on my bent back and I remember hearing the weakest and quietest of giggles.

"Seduce me!" I expressed almost exasperated, but in actually frustrated, "With the way you talk to me and your voice down and the Spanish, really?" I looked at her almost annoyed and she just smiled, which It bothered me even more, "This is serious, Callie, I'm serious, you have a wife! And a partner, a male partner!" I was not screaming, but maybe I was ... just a little.

"I told you -"

I interrupted her immediately, "Yes, you have an open marriage, but Callie, still, you're married, open marriage or not, you're cheating on your wife, don't you feel any remorse? And you're cheating on her with a man? Like, are you a real lesbian or are you just one of those women who just pretends to be a lesbian for a while before going back to men again?"

"Ok, I'm going to have to stop you right there," she put a hand up in a stop sigh. "First, let's clarify this, I cannot be a 'real lesbian'" Her expression in quotation marks, "Because I'm not a lesbian, I identify myself as a bisexual woman and this does not mean I'm promiscuous or unable to choose between two genders, I am completely able to sustain a relationship with any gender, female or male." She said calmly, but almost defending herself. "And just so you know, it's a bit offensive that you ask those things, I don't go around, asking people if they are golden star lesbians or any of this nonsense that exists today."

"You say you can have a relationship with any person, woman or man, so what do you do now, is just your version and explanation to be with both at the same time?" I know, it wasn't my best moment, I admit.

Callie took a deep breath and narrowed her eyes, "I'm going to choose to ignore that comment, just because I know you're upset and confused and you're trying to pick a fight." I just shrugged, not answering anything, because I knew deep down, she was right.

"And second," she continued after a few minutes, "I'm not cheating on my wife because she knows everything and she agrees on it." She said as if that solved everything.

"That does not make it right, Callie." I refuted in a low voice.

"Who says so?" She asked and I remember that I just couldn't believe that she saw this as something completely normal, "Nickolas knows about my wife, Sarah knows about Nickolas or anyone else I've been with since our marriage is open, you, Arizona Robbins, you're not going to make me feel ashamed or guilty, I'm not doing anything wrong."

"You are so arrogant." It was the only thing I could answer.

"And you as stubborn as a mule." She mumbled back to me. "Look, I'm not saying that you should get into this deal, it's your decision, it will always be your decision, I cannot force you to do anything you don't want to do, but you should know that I would love to know you more and spend time with you, but If you don't even want that, then I will understand it too." You know the drill, she always making me feel like it was my decision, but the penetrating and defiant look on her face told me that she already knew what my answer would be.

So at that time I decided that I should keep some control in the situation so, "Ok." I said simply and she couldn't even conceal surprise, on the contrary, she smiled from ear to ear, as if she just had won the jackpot and when she bent over to kiss me, it was the moment when I thought I would be winning for once ... _Ha!__What a fool was I._

"But," I stopped her advance with a hand on her lips before they made contact with mine, her face mere millimeter of mine and her breath on my fingers, "If we're going to do this, we will do it on my terms," I paused to see if she wanted to add something and when she didn't, I kept talking. "You just said that you just want to know me more and spend more time with me?" At my question, she nodded, my fingers still on her lips, "Well, then no kisses or any caresses and most importantly ... no sex." Her eyes didn't change their intensity and for a moment there I thought that she hadn't listened to me well.

Then she kissed the tips of my fingers and took my hand, "It's a good thing I'm not just looking for you for those things, then." It was her response and I remember feeling confused and almost disappointed, I clearly wanted to gain a reaction from her and that didn't happen.

"Seriously? Is that all you're going to say?" She shrugged as if dismissing it. "Callie, I'm telling you we'll basically be just friends and you telling me you don't care?"

She laughed, "I did not say I didn't care, but if those are your terms, I'm willing to accept them just to be with you." She said, certainty in her words. "You're more than just a body, Arizona, I don't want to be with you just because of what your body can offer me, I'm not like that and you, Amor, are more than just that." She got up walking to the door to leave, not before saying, "Although, I'm not going to deny that I've imagined in my mind multiple ways to please you." She leaned over the couch, speaking directly into my ear, giving me a sonorous kiss on my flushed cheek, "Good night, Arizona."

That was then and this is now, do you think that deal worked for me? Yeah, don't answer that, it's just a rhetorical question.

"Arizona, where did you go just now?" Callie's voice brought me back to the present, a present in which she is about to tell me something that will surely be dramatic. What can I say, you chose to stay for the drama and now you must keep up.

"Just say what you have to say, Callie." I said bored and frustrated with so much detour.

She gave me a guilty look once more before continuing, "Well ... Sarah wants to have a baby."

You see, dramatic ...

**Wait… WHAT?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello everyone, I'm sorry I'm taking more time than expected to update, when I started this story I promised myself that it would be different because I like it a lot, however I have a confession to make and that is that I have been diagnosed with Depression recently and being a psychologist myself, it's not the kind of thing you're prepared to hear, I'm having trouble dealing with it and I think my escape is writing my stories, so I'll do my best to update as much as I can.**

**Thank you for your understanding, I hope you can enjoy this new release and also, I hope to update again on Thursday or Friday.**

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**Because of Her**

**Chapter 7**

Hey there! Welcome to the mess that is my mind. Yes, I know, it's been a while since I last gave you updates of how absurd my life has become, I hope you're enjoying it, I mean, someone has to do it, right? To be honest with you, my loyal readers, after the curve ball that Calliope Torres threw at me three days ago, my mind has been wandering everywhere, feeling unable to make a concrete idea, so I have taken the liberty to not say or do anything until that happens, which I think will not happen in a while.

You see, I am Arizona Robbins, I'm an organized, practiced, an almost methodical person, don't get me wrong, I can also be very careless sometimes, especially in my love life and this fact had never bothered me ... until I met her and then everything is chaos, especially in my mind, nothing makes sense, everything is different, I no longer recognize myself.

It's like every day I wake up, it's always the same question, how did I get to this point? How did I go from being the player to being the one played on? How come I agreed to be part of this game in the first place? So many questions and most of them are answerless... I could go on and on about this.

I have come to some conclusions, though, all this started with the idea that I had about this some kind of almighty woman, who were so out of all molds or standard that I have ever had about a woman, you can say, from my previous observations, she is one of a kind, not that my opinion is very objective enough, but she is for me ... unique.

And that conclusion brings me to the second one... Love.

I know, the stupidest thing ever made, the mirage created by humanity to transform fantasies and eventually into the idealism of a feeling that is not as perfect as they make us believe. We are taught to believe that one day we will meet that person who will transform our lives, that will alter us spiritually and emotionally, that someday you will find that person who will bring you happiness, as if happiness were something to aspire to, something to achieve... _What can I say, I am a psychologist, my duty is to question everything, so bear with me._

The thing is that Love? as people sell it, is only an illusion and therefore disappointing or so I thought... _until I met her and then I knew it was even worse_!

I idealized Callie, so much, that I must say everything that happened from the night we made our deal, it's my responsibility, I could have said no, I could have walked away at that moment when I still could, because now, now I can still do it, the issue here is that I'm not sure I want to and I know, it's easy for you to judge, since you are from the general point of view, you guys are outsiders, but I, who lived and continue to live this odyssey, I cannot do the same.

She may have a wife and a partner named Nicolas, but when she was with me, it was like we were just her and me and that was the best feeling of all.

"So, tell me a little about your family?" Callie asked as she ate one of the strawberries from the basket that she brought for this little date in the park near the Center. Being the boss, I took a few minutes in the afternoon, just to see her.

I smiled at her mannerism, she took the strawberry and bit into three different sections before removing the sheet, I thought it was cute. "What do you want to know?" I asked back, taking some strawberries myself.

"Everything." It was her short and honest answer.

I let out a chuckle when I noticed her sincere interest, "Well my dad is retired from a telecommunications company, he and my mom divorced years ago, my mom is a psychologist too, but she specializes in children with special needs, She doesn't work as much as before but she is still active in the working world, I have an older brother, Timothy, he's in the army, he's the son of my dad's first marriage and I have a little sister, Elli, she's something like a troublemaker, she is ten years younger than me, so you can imagine, we did not get along when I was still at home." I ended up summarizing important aspects of my family, "What about yours?"

"Well, you know petty much everything, my parents wanted me to be part of the family business, but I wasn't interested so started my own business, my sister Aria and I, we're close, but not that close." She said shrugging.

I couldn't help asking, "Do they know? About your wife and the open marriage?" I couldn't hurt to ask, right?

Callie took a deep breath and wiped her hands, as if preparing for a more serious response, "If you're asking if they know about my sexuality, the answer is yes, I never tried to hide it, the issue is that my parents are ultra-religious people, they know but choose to not acknowledge it, we do not talk about it, like never. So, no, they don't know about my open marriage with Sarah, they were invited to the wedding, of course, and they went because my sister begged them to, not because they wanted to, the version I give myself is that they went because they wanted to celebrate my happiness, which, should be every parent's goal, right? For your children to have happiness?" She asked rhetorically and there was that trick word ... _happiness_.

I nodded understanding what she was saying, "Yeah, you're right."

We kept quiet for a few seconds before she asked again, "I have to ask," She started with an apologetic smile that made me frown, "Psychology, why?" I remember letting out a laugh to her question, because it's what people always ask me and I don't understand why that is. "It's just that I don't picture you as a psychologist by profession" She continued saying with a giggle.

I laughed even more, "How do you picture me then?"

She shrugged smiling, "I don't know, maybe being a doctor, even a surgeon."

"Then you got it all wrong because I can't be anywhere close to anything that looks like blood or open bodies, just no. Besides doctors, especially surgeons are especially arrogant, self-centered smug people, I'm not at all like that." I said with confidence, to this day I firmly believe that this is true, and guess why? My sister will become a medical surgeon in the near future and she is exactly every one of the adjectives I mentioned earlier.

"I'm sure not all doctors and surgeons are like that, Arizona." We laughed again at her comment, and I remember that laugh, those looks with such longing. Our talks used to be effortless, simple, drama-free. Only she and I sharing strawberries in the park one afternoon ... _then, what we call happiness, was scarce little by little_. "No, but seriously, if you were not a psychologist, what would you be today?" She asked with genuine interest.

"Probably what I wasn't allowed to be when I wanted to." I answered and now it was her turn to be confused by my response. "I wanted to be part of the military force, regardless of whether it was the police, the army or the navy, I just wanted to belong, in the end I decided on the Navy, but I graduated a year younger from school and to start the process of enlisting I needed the approval of both my parents, my parents had already been divorced by then and my relationship with my dad was not the best, I just came out of the closet to him and he didn't have the best reaction when he found out" I commented quickly.

"I'm sorry to hear that," She said empathetically.

"Anyway, things got worse between my dad and me because he refused to give me his approval, so being part of the Navy, has always been my frustrated dream." I remember feeling melancholy when telling my story, very few people know this about me, even my closest friends don't know, "I didn't want to wait a whole year to be able to enlist, I just wanted to get out of my house, so I went to my second-best option."

"Psychology." Callie said knowingly.

"Yes, psychology." I laughed lightly, "But don't get me wrong, I love my career, I love being a psychologist and helping my patients brings me happiness." There was that word again. "I don't know, maybe it was not meant to be."

Callie gave me a sweet smile and the way she looked at me, God, the way she looks at me will always be my greatest weakness, calm and intense at the same time, as if she could read me with just a glance, it was intimidating, but also exalting, "Maybe, but either way, I bet you would have been just as amazing as who you are now, so be proud." She took my hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.

"Oh I am, I love my job, I love working with patients from time to time, now that I'm the boss, I wouldn't change a thing." I said with my head held high with pride.

Callie leaned closer to me, I vividly remember the smell of her perfume invading my senses, that was a common practice for her ... invading my personal space. " That's great." She said and I could see her eyes drifting to my lips for a microsecond there before returning to my blue eyes.

I broke the tension by asking, "So you're going to tell me what the origin of your full name is, Calliope?" Immediately Callie hid her face in my neck as being embarrassed.

"Who told you that?!" She asked and by her tone, she was mortified which made me smile broadly.

"Who do you think?" I asked rhetorically laughing this time.

She growled even more with her face still on my neck, "I'm going to kill Aria."

Her comment made me laugh wildly. "Why? Why don't you like your full name? It's a beautiful name. "

"No, it is not!"

"Okay, look at me please," I waited for her to lift her face from my neck and shoulder, "It suits you just great, it's a beautiful name." I said confidently before adding, "You're beautiful." We were so close I remember fighting my desire to kiss her there not caring at all, but I remembered our deal, the one imposed by myself and so I refrained, choosing the easy way out, I leaned over and kissed her cheek.

When we distanced ourselves, I remember seeing disappointment in her eyes, but I wanted to do things right and one of them was not to succumb to temptation ... _by now you know very well how did that worked out for me._

Being able to resist her has never been an easy task and over time it only got worse and when we started to have intimacy everything was more different, it was like I didn't know the meaning of the word 'NO', at least not when it comes to her.

I used to be an organized person, my ideas always in order, always strategic, always with a plan, never a stitch without a thimble and here I was, with my head being a mess for a woman… _but not just any woman, she was __**the**__ woman._

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard someone knocking on my door, "Come on in" I replied, not bothering to look up from the documents in front of me, I assumed it was Jo or my assistant, I would never have imagined that this person would be in front of me, today of all days.

"Arizona Robbins? Hello, my name is Sarah James, I believe you are the one who's screwing my wife, I think it's time you and I have a talk."

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**O.M.G … Sarah is finally here!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here again!**

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**Because of Her**

**Chapter 8**

"Arizona Robbins? Hello, my name is Sarah James, I believe you are the one who's screwing my wife, I think it's time you and I have a talk."

I could feel my heart beating in my throat when I saw such an imposing woman in front of me, tall, clear eyes, black hair falling like waterfalls on her back and shoulders, perfect skin and slender figure, she wore a black coat till half way down the thigh, however, underneath that expensive like coat she wore lightly casual clothes, a green long sleeve blouse and tight jeans and black booties.

She came into my office uninvited, took off her coat, sat down in front of my desk in one of the chairs and in the other she dropped her expensive coat and purse, crossed her right leg over the other one while wearing a very condescending look towards me.

I can't begin to imagine how Callie's relationship with this woman has to be, if clearly both are excessively demanding of power and attention ... This time, I urge my psychological senses to shut up because the least I want right now is to imagine Callie with her at all.

"You're not going to say anything?" She broke the silence in the office, looking at me with disdain so I promised myself not to fall into her power play, I knew clearly what her purpose was, I've been dealing with Callie, I know exactly what she wants to do... to intimidate me.

"Well, it's you who came into my office demanding a talk with me, I figured you'd be the one to start the talk." I crossed my fingers over my lap and gave her the same reproachful look back.

Then she laughed, one of those laughter that you would recognize as shameless mockery, I could feel my patience running thin. "I see why she likes you so much." When I frowned, she added. "Callie. She loves easy goings, now I see why she is so interested in you."

Now I start to feel anger. "I'm not easy going, you wanted to talk, then talk, but as far as I'm concerned, I have nothing to tell you." I urged myself to remain calm, the last thing I need is this woman getting a reaction from me, I do not plan on giving her that pleasure.

"Oh so you have a temper." She laughed again, her perfect hair moving naturally as she brought her head back in uncontrollable laughter. "Oh you're so funny!" She added quickly.

I narrowed my eyes, "Look, say what you have to say and get out of my office, I have a job to do and it does not involve dealing with women like you."

She raised her eyebrow, "Oh, you mean dealing with the wives of the women you date?" She asked rhetorically, "I'm sorry, girl, that goes with the package."

I was annoyed I just wanted to get rid of this woman as soon as possible, before I made something stupidity. "What do you want, Sarah? If you're looking for Callie, you should have gone to New York or called Nicolas for that matter, maybe he can give you more information."

"Oh dear, I know exactly where my wife is, don't worry." Ughr, that word ... _wife_ ... told by her, makes it more real. "I came here to talk to you."

" Mhmm and yet, you haven't said anything." A little sassy couldn't hurt.

"I was just trying to do a reading about you, to know what kind of woman, my wife is seeing, Callie likes all kinds of women." By her facial expression, I could tell she enjoyed mentioning Callie's past to me, as a reminder that I'm not the only one and probably not the last either. "Anyway, I need a favor."

Now it was my turn to laugh uncontrollably, "You have the audacity to come into my office, insult me and then ask for favors? Is this for real?" I couldn't believe it, what kind of woman is was she?"

"Well, since you were screwing my wife, I thought it was appropriate." She said crossing her arms.

"I'm not 'screwing your wife' and you know it, it may be unusual, but Callie and I's relationship it's just like hers and Nicolas." I don't even know how I'm defending this, but I can stand the way she denigrates my relationship with Callie, yes, it's not a perfect relationship and it's certainly different, but I'm not a homewrecker.

Once again Sarah laughed in my face, "Is that what you tell yourself to sleep at night?" She raised her sculpted eyebrow again.

"Sarah ..." I was ready to throw her out of my office and hopefully out of my life.

"That's what she told you? That I agreed on you and her to be an item?" Her question aroused my attention ... _what does she mean by that?_

"Sarah, what are you saying?" My heart was pounding against my chest as I waited for an honest answer.

"Exactly what is going through your mind. I told her to stop and she promised that she would and she hasn't, which means that she has been cheating on both of us for months." She said with certainty in her tone as I felt a tumult of emotions inside... _I couldn't believe what I was hearing, has she been fooling me all this time?__About the open marriage and Sarah being fine with it?_

"That's not true, that's not right." Funny, those were the same words I used when Callie told me about the baby thing.

_"You're kidding, right?__Please tell me it's a joke, Callie."_ I tried to keep my voice calm when inside my head all I wanted was to scream and cry and scream a some more. A baby? Those keep you tie down together forever, how can she consider having a baby?

She looked guilty and I certainly didn't care, she cannot have a baby with Sarah, she just can't. "It's not a joke, Sarah told me about this a few days ago, she wants us to start a family."

"But you said ..." Oh God, I could barely breathe. "You said you wouldn't do it, that having children was not in your plans, you told me that when I asked you at the beginning of all this." I could feel my body temperature increase rapidly, but really I didn't knew if it was because of anger or sadness, anyway, I didn't feel very well.

"And all that was true, she and I discussed it even before we got married, she didn't want to have children, so we decided not to have them, I don't know why she is doing this now." She tried to take my hand on the table, but I take it away immediately. "Arizona, please ..." She was pleading now and so I knew ... this was serious.

_She was going to have a baby with another woman_ ... "I can't be here." I got up from the table and got out of there as fast as I could, I remember it was hard to breath, my breathing was erratic, my vision blurred and seconds later I could feel the first tear down my cheek.

I remember feeling so stupid, there I was crying like a fool for a person who clearly does not care or has any consideration for me ... _that's when I knew I had had enough.__I was done._

I crossed the other side of the street clearing my cheeks and cursed the fact that I didn't get to the restaurant in my own car instead of arriving with her in her car, now I would have to walk or take a cab on a busy street in Seattle.

My thoughts were all over the place when I felt someone pull my arm, my instinct was to fight the stranger until I heard her voice. "Arizona, it's me, stop fighting me." She said firmly but softly and I remember feeling so silly wanting to melt right there in her arms just because of the way she spoke to me.

"Let go of me, Callie!" I got out of her embrace pushing her away from me. "How can you do this to me?!" I screamed in her face and she just stood there looking at me with pity eyes ... _I hated her for looking at me that way._

"Arizona, just calm down and let's talk about this, please." She implored once again, but I wasn't having any of that.

"Talk? Talk about what? You clearly already made a decision, one that does not include me, because, why? Why would you? I've never been part of your family plan, I'm just the other woman, am I wrong?!" I kept screaming some more, the people in the street started to look, but I honestly didn't care.

"I haven't decided anything!" She shouted over my screams. "If you would stop screaming at me, I could explain myself to you, but here we are, screaming at each other in the middle of the street." She mumbled and now I could see the anger in her eyes ... _I remember thinking how could she dare be angry, she had no right._

"You're a liar!" I kept screaming, her words didn't change anything.

"I haven't lied to you!"

"Yes, you did!" I yelled over her. "I can't believe I actually believed all the lies you told me, about your marriage and everything else!" My throat still hurts after all those screams. "I'm out of here." I turned to continue walking when she took my arm again, then I felt her hug me.

I remember fighting against her physical contact while she contained me with soft and loving words in my ear and as much as it bothered to admit, I couldn't help the feeling of security and care that I felt with her chest pressed against mine, her strong arms around my back, her aroma, her warmth, her presence ...

It was then that I collapsed in her arms and I cried in her chest and I understood, that this was not because she was going to probably have a baby, it was because I felt that I would lose her. You can say that getting away definitely would be the best thing that could happen to me, but I was not ready, I was not ready to let her go, even if my whole being hurt… _it's like an addiction, the more it hurts you, the harder is to leave it._

I hugged her with all the strength I had in me and kissed her neck, thanking the gods once again for our height difference, I kissed her once more and then I whispered, "I love you." I hadn't said those three words before, not to her and there I was sharing my truth with the woman I loved moments after she told me she would have a baby with her wife ... _How much fucked up is this?_

I felt her smile on my forehead as she gave me a delicate kiss there, "I know you do." She said, "I love you, too." She confessed for the first time too and that was what brought me to the real situation.

I kissed her neck once again sucking the sweet scent of her perfume for the last time before leaving her embrace, "I can't be with you while seeing you having kids with other people, I can't be with you while you are with other people, period." I took more distance from her.

"Arizona ..." She tried to approach again, but this time I didn't let her ... I was so tired of everything.

"I can't keep doing this with you, Calliope." I put a hand between us creating the distance even more. "I better go home and you have to leave too, you have a big day tomorrow."

"Arizona, no! What are you saying?" She was confused now, her face was so adorably cute with a frown, I remember every one of her features and details of her face.

"I'm saying I'm done, Calliope. It's the best. "I was resigned and frankly so tired of all this.

But she kept refusing at the thought, "No! Arizona, come on, let's talk about this -"

"I've done talking, Callie." I turned around to continue my way ...

"Arizona, if you leave, if you go now and we don't talk about this, then ..." She couldn't finish with what I believe would had been an ultimatum.

"Then what? our relationship would be over?" She was unable to answer my question and for the first time since I met her, I saw fear in her eyes, it was so unusual that I almost didn't trust it. "Callie, we're in the middle of the street screaming at each other, we're already over."

The last image I have of her is her beautiful eyes filled with tears and so she didn't stop me, her shoulders fell together with her gaze to the ground.

That was three days ago and this is today...

In front of me is the wife of the woman I love. Talking to this woman or having any contact was the least I wanted to do, I specifically asked Callie, to never meet her, but I guess I was just avoiding the inevitable.

"So, about that favor." Sarah's words pulled me out of my train of thoughts, "You're going to make Callie agree to have the baby or else I'm going to end her career and reputation next to yours, I'm a good lawyer, I know how to play dirty." Sarah got up and took her things, ready to go.

"Why are you doing this, Sarah?" I had to ask, this version of her is by far way to different from the version that Callie gave me.

The elegant woman putted her coat back on while smiling at me evilly, "We had a deal and she broke it." She said ... _and you guys may think I'm going crazy but I swear I saw hurt in those grayish eyes_.

But also, what deal? There is so much that I don't understand right now.

"Oh and before I go..." She turned around, her hand on the knob of my office door. "No more screwing my wife. I'm going to get my wife back so you're out of the picture." And then she was gone.

This was so mess up and I'm not talking just about my head, you guys have to help me here, what the hell am I going to do now?

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**I need you guys to understand that this story is solely on Arizona point of view, we still have to hear Callie's version. The question here is, what deal did Callie have with Sarah? And why is Sarah so hurt about it?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Because Of Her**

**Chapter 9**

I could feel her eyes on me, I knew she was looking at me, the intensity of her gaze gave me goosebumps all over and every time I locked eyes with hers, she didn't even flinch, no, she wanted me to I knew she was watching me, all me ... _and I liked it_.

Having her attention was what I liked the most, knowing that she couldn't resist me, every time I called her, she was there to answer, every time I asked for something, she was there to give it to me. I knew I was playing with fire, I knew that I could easily be burned, because even in our distance the only thing I wanted was to break our deal, deal that she promised to respect and she did.

Right now we are sitting on the floor, facing each other, barefoot, in her giant penthouse, she called me and asked me to come to dinner and maybe watch a movie, we have been doing this for a few weeks, we just hang out, we have dinner, we watch movies and we talk, boy, do we talk. We talk about everything, there is not a single subject that I feel I can't talk to her about... _Oh yea, her wife, that's one._

But right now, we're in game mode and no, it's not that kind of game, get your minds out of the gutter. When I got to her place, I went to her bedroom to clean myself a little, after all I had just left work, my curiosity was awakened when something caught my attention on her bed.

"There you are, what are you doing?" She said leaning over the door, a mischievous smile on her lips.

"Your bedroom is very beautiful." I said simply without getting up from her bed. Then she came up stopping right in front of me. I remember feeling my skin crawl and my heart pounding, "What are you doing?" I gave her a nervous giggle, she looked so imposing and I felt so submissive and rarely enough I did like that. She was just there, standing in front of me... _Now that I come to think about it, this just remind me of the first time we made love._

"I'm going to take the game board; do you want to play some?" The fire was burning inside and I didn't know how much more I could keep resisting ... _oh yeah, I just had to remember that she has a wife and it would do._

Clearing my throat and mind, I asked, "Is that really a game board? What kind of game is it? I haven't seen it before."

Callie smiled, she clearly noticed my change in tone and mood and I was relieved when she didn't mention it. "I'm going to explain it to you after dinner, come on, I want you to try a traditional Colombian food, I know you'll like it." She took my hand in hers and we walked out to the living room.

And yes I did like it, it was different, but I liked it, so now we're playing this game she calls 'Parqués' a traditional game own by Colombian culture also, where the ultimate goal is to get four chips to the finish line, but as any board game, it has its tricks, like safe boxes and double shots, you only need a couple of dice and four chips of the same color, according to Callie this game can be played by four to six people, so it's great to play with family and friends as well.

I'm not sure I play it right, Callie keeps going one step ahead of me and every time I try to move forward she kills one of my chips so I have to start over, I feel like I'm playing some kind of chess and let me tell you, I'm not good in neither of the two games.

"Stop staring at me." I finally said something about her deep gaze on me. "It's distracting." I added as I plan my next move, I throw the dices giving me eight points, which allows me to lock myself in one of the safe boxes so Callie can't kill me.

"It's called intimidating the opponent." She said taking her turn to throw, "I'm surrounded by lawyers all the time, I know how to intimidate even if it's just a board game." She mentioned with a giggle.

"Well your little game that you got going on is not going to work, I'm going to win you this time." Yeah, I said that the last three games we play.

"Ha! So funny, nobody has ever won me in this game before." Callie laughed heartily as she threw the dices again after my turn.

"I find that hard to believe, someone has had to beat you before." I said as I counted my points after throwing while creating a strategy all at the same time. Callie shook her head. "Not even ... Sarah?" I didn't even know why I mentioned the woman; I clearly didn't want to talk about her, but the mere memory that she has a wife helped me not to cloud my judgment.

Callie looked at me warily before answering, "No, she's never wanted to play with me, she says it's dumb." She said with a shrug. "I always tell her it's because she's very competitive and is afraid of losing." She simply said.

"You're so full of it." My comment gained a deep laugh on her part, as I moved one of my last chips closer to the goal.

"Is that why I just killed you again?" She asked arrogantly as I just stared in shock.

"What? But how?" I seriously sucked in this game.

"You, pretty lady, you made a rookie mistake." She said, "You left your other chip behind unprotected as you moved with just one chip to the finish line. You see, the thing with this game is that it's not just about getting there as fast as possible, but rather how you get there in the first place, that's why it requires time and method." She said as she threw her dice, the number obtained allowed her to take her third chip to the finish line.

"Whatever, I'm done, I don't want to play anymore." I said discouraged at my defeat with a pout and everything.

Callie laughed at my words, saying then, "You're so cute."

Almost offended I replied, "I'm not cute, I'm hot!"

"That too and I want to kiss you so much right now." Her comment left me speechless, not because it was a surprise, because it was not, but it was because I didn't know how to react to it.

"Callie ..." I said almost in warning, though it was too late, my cheeks were already flushed.

"What? Doesn't mean I'm going to do it, but I believe I can express how I feel or is that also forbidden because of the deal?" She asked raising her eyebrow.

"No, it is not." I simply said, unable to look her in the eye.

"Good." Callie then leaned her back on the couch. "I have to ask you something." She said suddenly serious. "The real reason why I invited you here today, not that any time you come to my place is not important, it's just that today I have a particular reason to it and maybe it's too much too soon for you and if it is, there's no problem at all, It will be completely fine if you say no - "

"Callie, you're rambling," I had to stop her putting my hand on her knee, "Just ask me, what is it?"

"I was wondering if you would like to come to a trip with me in Colombia?" I had to ask twice that night, because was she seriously asking to go with her to another country? "I know it's soon and out of nowhere, but I really have to go and Cartagena is not a city that you enjoy all by yourself, so I thought, why not? Think about it, we're going to be at my hotel near the beach and it's just the weekend." She was really nervous that night and I remember thinking how adorable she looked when she thought I might say no ... _How fool was I, she already had the tickets bought_.

"Is that the reason you've been trying to get me to know more about Colombian culture tonight?" She nodded with a big smile.

The next thing I knew, I was facing one of the most beautiful sea views I could imagine. That trip with Callie was lovely, refreshing, life changing ... _and it was also the way I met Nicolas for the first time ever._

"Back at it?" My friend's voice, Jo, got me out of my memories, we're in the groceries store, she made me come with her because according to her, I need to get out of my apartment more and think less… _well let me tell you something, it's easier say than done._

"What are you talking about?" I knew what she was talking about, I just didn't want to talk about it.

"You know exactly what I mean, stop thinking about Callie and her marital drama, that's not your problem," she said as she tossed boxes of cereal into her cart.

"How many boxes of cereal do you need?" I was trying to change the subject.

"I'm being serious, Arizona." Jo shook my arm hard. "Stop it or you'll go as crazy as one of our patients." She even giggled at the latter.

"That's not even funny, Josefine." I said weakly.

"Whatever, the point is that this is not your business anymore, you have to let it go." She counseled.

"I already did!" I answered exasperated, she just gave me a knowing look, "Fine! I'm doing it, it's a work in progress." I reconsidered my response. "It's just that I feel like I should tell Callie before her career is ruined by that crazy woman she calls wife."

"Again, it's not your business, so don't get into it." Jo once again advised and I know she's right.

"I'm not going to." I said quickly when an idea came to my head. "But I know someone who can help, I will not be included and Callie doesn't have to know that it was me in the first place."

"And who is that?" Jo asked curiously.

"Well it's easy, the fourth wheel involved in this mess." I hope I'm not making things worse.

"Are you sure it's the right thing to do? You'll get more involved." Jo is the voice of reason ironically.

"I told you, I'm not part of this anymore, that's why I'm going to call him, he'll talk to Callie and I won't be in the picture as she asked and this time, I'd be done for good."

_I said I was done and I meant it ... the thing is, there are things in life that are easier said than done and I'm afraid that soon rather than later I'll found out just how hard it can be, trying to be done with the person that marked you for life._


	10. Chapter 10

**Because of her**

**Chapter 10**

**Part 1**

You know, I just realized that I never tell you about the good times. I know it may sound awkward and extremely dumb to tell you this, but in spite of everything, I had good times with Callie, even if she had a wife that I was aware of, still, the few months I spent with her were good to some extent ... whenever I forgot about her wife and the man lover.

It's easy to focus on the bad things, at some point they kept me away from her, remembering the bad helps overcome the one that has hurt you the most, I think I read that phrase somewhere, but the thing is that every time I try to focus on the negative of our relationship, there is always a positive memory that attacks in response, it's an endless battle between what was good and what I do not want it to continue to be because of the pain it causes me... _The human being is masochistic by nature, don't fight me in that, just think about love and you will have your answer._

Things have escalated quickly and now everything is a mess, messier than it was, it has been almost a month since I last had any contact with Callie, she stopped calling over ten days ago, no messages, no voicemails, nor even a post on Instagram ... I literally don't know anything about her and it's killing me, I think not knowing is worse than knowing in this scenario.

I miss her, I really miss her and you can't judge me for it, you promised that you wouldn't, it's not a matter of selflove, it's a matter of wantonness.

Now I only have the memories and one of the most memorable is from our trip to Colombia, more specifically Cartagena, that city is something else, it's beautiful in any sense, even in its imperfections. On that trip I found myself more intrigued by her and her ways around others.

Here in Seattle, she is a business woman, always in business, but there, she was a pure humble woman, walking barefoot, with a loose white T-shirt and some shorts, no makeup on, no hair done...

I remember looking at her and thinking, _"That's a view I could live with every day"_ and it scared me, the thought of being with her for years to come, not because commitment scared me, but because she was not mine to have, not really and the awful truth was that even if I knew all this for a fact, I decided to stay and fool myself thinking that I wouldn't fall for her, when in fact I was all the way down there already.

_"What are you thinking so much over there?"_ _Her voice was filled with playfulness as she watched me look at her with such longing ... for what? I didn't know for sure._ _"Arizona?_ _What is it?" She asked again when I stayed silent._ _She looked so beautiful, there was a halo around her, she was radiant, as the sun caressed the parts of her exposed body from the balcony of our room at her hotel in Cartagena._

_"Nothing, you just ..." I had to think twice before verbalizing what my mind was screaming at me, "You're beautiful." I finally let it out, I remember feeling foolish for some reason, that feeling that you_ _wish you hadn't said anything, not because It wasn't true, but because it was true, but didn't want her to take advantage of my little slip._

_I knew she was waiting, looking for the moment, the window to act and take advantage, I just knew it, by the way she looked at me_ _in the pool of the hotel_ _and as her hand rested on my waist when we_ _took_ _pictures_ _when getting off the plane, as she deliberately got into my personal space to ask trivial things and kisses on the cheek, or should say kisses at the corner of my mouth, closer and closer to my lips... Of course, I knew what she was doing, every time she gave me that half-way smile, I knew exactly what she was doing and this time it was no different._

_"Well, thank you, you're not bad yourself." We share a giggle at her charming mannerism, almost shyly, when she's not at all shy, like at all, that woman exudes confidence through her pores._ _She walked towards me and leaned over the sofa where I was sitting, her hands on either side of my arms, invading my personal space, trapping me in place, leaving me zero place to hide, that even if I wanted to, I couldn't._ _"I think it's time you get to know this place, care to join me for a walk around the city, Amor?" Her face was inches from mine, her perfume intoxicating_ _me, I could feel my airways struggling to take air in._

_"That would be lovely." But finally I managed to get it out and there was that smile again, her eyes kept shifting from my eyes to my lips and for a moment I thought she would do it, that she would kiss me, God knows that at that moment I pictured in my head and I would have let her, I could feel the attraction, the tension, the breathing, the desire. The desire that emanated from her and me at the same time._

_But instead she looked down, took a deep breath, looked at me and smiled sweetly before leaning down and kissing my cheek for the millionth time that day, I closed my eyes and enjoyed her lips on my skin, wishing, imagining, longing that those same lips were in other parts of my body that by now were screaming out for their touch._

_When she finally pulled away my breathing was heavy_ _and the tension was thicker ... She knew what she was doing to me and it was getting harder and harder to keep pushing her away._

_I didn't want her away thought, I wanted her close, above me preferably naked and panting my name, I wanted that from the moment my eyes met hers in that bar that night and that hasn't changed no matter how much I try saying the opposite._

_She said she wanted me to live the whole experience of being in Cartagena and that meant using the very public transportation of the city, I looked at her like she was crazy when I realized she wasn't talking about taxis, but she was really being serious and I'm so grateful that she did._

_We got on a bus that you take at a station, almost like going on the subway but in a bus, which travel the main streets of the city from station to station, they were so crewed and yet I didn't stop laughing while listening to her stories in this same city while growing up, everyone around us spoke Spanish, some even shouted, Callie said it was just the way of speaking, for me it seemed that they were in some kind of fight, but I couldn't really say, she laughed at me for it, she also said and I quote "If you really want to know a_ _culture you must go up to one of these." Adding that one learns more in a bus than in expensive hotels and fancy beaches._

_The bus we got in took us directly to the heart of the city, the main reason for the travelers who come to know this place, The __walled Old Town__._

_The origins of The __walled Old Town__ cemented there and forever venerated by those who know its cultural and more cruel history, when the exchange of slaves was still present and the moment when the rebellion came to liberate every bleeding and full of pain soul, that place became a reminder full of admiration for those who fought for the freedom of all._

_What a beautiful place, people danced everywhere in traditional bass drum of the region, in one side was the walled old town and to the other side was the Great Bay, I even managed to see some sailors around with their white suit of honor on, by the time we finished the tour walking we could already see the sunset and the mixture of colors making contrast with the blue of the sea was glorious._ _I took hundreds of photos, I wanted this moment documented for years to come, but I didn't need it, each space traveled, each street walked on, each face seen, were forever etched in my memory._

_At night we decided not to return to the hotel and just keep walking, we found a nice restaurant-bar where Callie introduced me to more typical foods of the region like the ones she prepared for me the night she asked me to make this trip,_ _then we walked towards the rest of the bay until arriving at the nearby port, Callie said that there would be some kind of presentation and it was, women and men danced in synchrony, the people around them took pictures and clapped, the wind blew strongly but gave the sensation of serenity and enjoyment ._

_It was then that I risked a glance at her and noticed her wide smile, she looked like a little girl in a new and exciting place, as if she had never seen what was in front of her eyes, her expressive eyes shone with joy, swaying from side to side to the rhythm of Caribbean music, she was in her element ... she was so happy, purely happy and I was happy with her and for her._

_Suddenly I felt the need to want to make her that_ _happy_ _all the time, at least as long as she was with me, because even when she was wearing her best confidence dress while around others, there was something there, in her eyes, something else aside from arrogance and smugness, she just wanted to be happy, plainly happy._

_At the end of the show they started the fireworks in the best 4th of July style and the sight of her face was something incomparable to anything that I have seen before ... I was so smitten by her._

_As if she knew what I was thinking, she connected her gaze with mine, smile never leaving her lips, she approached and leaned her forehead on mine, her hand on my hand, she then kissed me on the cheek and so I understood that this was her way of having intimate contact with me and still continue to respect the limits and terms that I imposed on her, I released her hand and I held her tight, I wanted her closeness, I wanted her contact, her hands on me , her breath on my neck, the safety of her embrace._

_I couldn't contain myself anymore so I said, "I want to kiss you so bad."_ _I felt her hug me harder, she tried to let go, but I didn't allow it and held her harder._

_"Arizona ..." The way she says my name will always be my biggest weakness._

_My legs were shaking and my heart was pounding, I repeated, "I really want to kiss you."_

_"Are you sure you want that?_ _Because if I kiss you, I don't think I would be able to stop myself." She said in a whisper in my ear, I got out of our embrace and looked into her eyes,"_ _What_ _about_ _your terms?" She honestly asked._

_"Fuck that, kiss me already, Calliope." I couldn't finish my statement completely when a pair of thick lips collided with mine and the feeling of belonging right there came back to me since that night we shared our first kiss. This time the kiss was delicate, measured, aware that we were in a fairly public place._

_Oh but once we got to the hotel, she closed the door and immediately jumped in her arms, I kissed her with all the desire that I have been repressing for weeks, she pushed me against the wall nearby, her hands on either side of my head, holding me hostage with her body, my hands acted on their own, touching every part of her body that could reach, staying on the edge of her shorts, I wanted to put my hands inside those shorts and her panties and her to make her mine ... but I didn't do it._

_We kissed for what seemed like hours_ _until she took my lower lip between her teeth, then I had another kind of urgency, "Let's go to bed." I whispered in her mouth before kissing her one more time, I tried to move her towards the bed, but she didn't move._ _"Callie?" I asked puzzled._

_I saw her take a deep breath before looking me in the eyes, "No." She finally answered, I frowned because there was no way that this woman who wanted to get into a bed with me from the start, is telling me ' No' now._ _I was ready to argue when she gave me another kiss to silence me and explain, "You doubted it, your hands hesitated to touch me, which means you have your doubts about me, about this."_

_Affected by her rejection, I acted defensive._ _"Yeah, well, can you blame me?_ _All this is a lot to handle"_ _I said referring to the whole issue of the wife and open marriage and everything else._ _I tried to run away, but she kept me in place._ _"You rejected me, twice with this one, do you know how that makes me feel?" I looked down almost embarrassed._

_"Arizona," There was that tone of voice again._ _"_ _Look at me, Arizona." She asked me and when I finally had the courage to look her in the eyes, she continued, "I know this is hard for you, it's an adjustment," I had to laugh at her poor use of words to describe our situation, "A big adjustment, that's why you have doubts and that's valid, your feelings are valid." She added quickly._

_"That's why I can't have sex with you that way, not while you have doubts about me and being smitten by this city, because when_ _..._ _look at me," she asked once more, "When that moment comes, I don't plan to just have sex with you. I am going to make love to you all night until all traces of doubt clear off your mind."_ _I swallowed hard_ _at that promise, the intensity of her gaze made me more eager for that moment to come, I took her shirt in my fists and wielded to contain me, but it was useless, she saw everything all over my face and the truth is that I didn't care._

_"Now, I'm going to go to the shower because you did a number on me that I have to take care of." She leaned in and before our lips connected, she was already on her way to the bathroom._ _"Good night, Amor." Leaving me standing there at the wall with a real throbbing mess between my legs._

* * *

**Arizona's experience in Cartagena was actually my own the first time I went to the city as an adult **

**Hopely I'll be posting part 2 tomorrow, thanks for reading guys.**


	11. Chapter 10-2

**Because of her**

**Chapter** **10**

**Part 2**

_Day two of our exploration of the city was as great as the first one, we went to a nearby town to see its beaches and of course its people, we rented a tent near the sea and we used that space to relax and drink a coconut ... yes, a coconut and some kind of pineapple drink too, those were delicious and slightly different from the ones I've tried on other beaches._

_We didn't talk much about the events of the previous night, we just sat down to enjoy the sun and the sound of the waves hitting the shore, then we went for a swim, let's say that my white skin was not taking in the sunlight well unlike Callie and her naturally tanned skin_ _... she's just gorgeous._

_She was lying next to me on one of those beach chairs while I was reading a book and the same question was still hanging around my mind so much that I couldn't get past the same four-line paragraph I was reading, so I just asked._

_"How many before me?" I asked nervously without looking away from my book, when she didn't answer, I looked in her direction, she was looking at me and although she had sunglasses on, I could tell she was confused. "How many people have you been with before me?" I repeated more elaborated this time._

_"Why are you asking?" She asked back, answering with a question, I began to notice that she did that a lot when she either didn't want to_ _talk about a topic or was buying time to think about the right answer ... I didn't want right, I wanted honesty._

_"I'm just curious." I said closing my book, I was not interested in it anymore._

_"Yes, but why?_ _That is unimportant." She looked away and I knew she was trying to shut down the conversation._

_"Well, it's important to me, why can't you answer?_ _Are they too many?" I regretted saying that the second that question left my lips._

_Callie put her sunglasses on her head and sat upright on the beach chair and looked me directly in the eye. I tried to apologize, but she spoke first, "You know why, because to me it sounds awfully close to - how many people have you slept with? - I do not want to talk about it, so_ _please, let it be, is the second time you slut-shamed me, you have to stop that too."_

_I took off my own sunglasses and looked at her closely, "I'm sorry about that, it wasn't my intention to sound so harsh, but-_ _"_

_"Arizona ..." She interrupted in a clearly annoyed tone of warning._

_"But I just want to know if this is a normal occurrence for you or just something random, to have mistresses on the side."_

_"You're not a mistress, Arizona."_

_"Well, I'm certainly not your wife, so what am I then?_ _Who am I to you?" That was the real question that ran through my mind all this time and for my life I wanted an honest answer to it._

_She didn't respond immediately but when she finally did, I felt disappointed, "Three, Emily, Daniela and Tea." She preferred to give me the names_ _of the women she has been with, than to answer that simple - yet important - question._ _"Emily was the last one before you,_ _none of them stayed_ _long enough, Daniela just wanted me for my money and Tea left with someone else, Nicolas is the only one who has stayed since the beginning, I trust him and he is easier. "She finally said annoyed, I knew then that I had touched a fiber there._

_But what she said made me think, "How long have you been doing this?_ _Open marriage, I mean."_

_She was silent for a few seconds without taking her gaze from mine, then she put her sunglasses back on and leaned back in her chair._ _"For a long damn time."_

_I didn't say anything more after that, but after a while, a new doubt resurfaced, "What if I find someone else to be with too?" I couldn't imagine myself being with someone_ _else_ _but it was a valid question anyways._

_I saw her clenched her chin, moisten her lips and say, "If that's what you want."_

_"Even if I'm with you?"_ _I asked and noticed how she wrung her hands in her lap, she was uneasy._

_"I cannot ask you to be only with me when I'm not only with you, that wouldn't be fair, so, yes, if that's what you want," she answered through clenched teeth._

_Obviously, that was not the answer I expected, but then again, I didn't know what to expect from her._

_When we got back to the hotel, there was still some tension between us because of our conversation, she was distant and the questions kept invading my head, like, what about children?_ _What happens if she decides she wants to have children or the person she is with wants to have them?_ _So, what happens then?_ _I didn't say or ask anything, but doubts flooded my mind and I could understand her refusal to have sex the night before because of it ... she has this way of making you feel understood, supported and protected, that sometimes is hard to believe when you remember that you are not the only one, so you start to ask yourself, is she in the same way with her wife?_ _Nicolas?_ _Even the other women at the time?_

_I remember feeling overwhelmed with so many doubts and questions in my head._

_"Are you going to the shower first or can I go?" her question got me out of my own psychological confinement._

_"I want to go first, if you don't mind," I said softly._

_"Not at all, go ahead."_

_"I won't be long." I wanted to get out of there, not from the space I shared with her, but from my head, it was not her fault that I felt so overwhelmed, it was not her fault that I couldn't shut up my thoughts ... after all, I chose to be here._

_When I came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my head and another on my body, I heard Callie's voice and another person inside the room, at first I thought it was only the room service, but as I approached I noticed in the main room that she was talking to someone on her computer, a man..._

_"What did you expect to happen, Callie?" The man on the screen asked, his voice deep, demanding, almost intimidating the first time I heard it._ _"This can't be easy for her, either."_

_"I don't know, Nicolas,_ _maybe all this was a mistake." I froze in the spot, so that was Nicolas._

_I didn't want to make my presence known so I just kept eavesdropping to their conversation ... very mature and adult on my part, I know._

_"You always say the same thing, but you never do anything to change it." He was bold, she had never heard anyone speak to her like that, normally she is the one who inspires power and control always in command, he, by his words and tone of voice, seems to be the one in charge._ _It was something new to me._

_"She asked me if she could be with someone else while we were together." Callie said and I felt my heart sink to hear that she was talking about me with him._

_"And what did you say?" Nicolas asked calmly._

_"What do you think?_ _That she can do whatever she wants." Callie responded with annoyance in her voice._

_"That is the correct answer, it wouldn't be fair for you to ask her to_ _-"_

_Nicolas was interrupted, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know all that, it's not fair to ask her to just be with me, I already know that, it doesn't mean I like it, I'm a selfish person I know that." Callie said, her words gave me all kinds of positive vibes because she was admitting that it would bother her if I were with another person and others not so good vibes_ _because_ _she has_ _no right to_ _get angry or bothered, after all she's the one who's married to someone else._

_"What do you want, Callie?" Nicolas asked after a few seconds of silence, his voice, despite being thick and deep, was heard soft and understanding._

_"Since when does it matter what I wanted?" Callie leaned her head on the table, leaving me completely uncovered, then I saw him._

_"Is that her?" And he saw me._

_Callie turned in her chair and saw me standing there, the look in her eyes was indecipherable, I didn't say anything, I turned around walking towards the bathroom again._ _"She's pretty." It was the last thing I heard before closing the door._

_When I returned to the room, I found Callie lying on the bed, her back on the headboard, I tried to ignore her while I put on some clothes, but I could feel her eyes on me burning holes on my back._

_"Do you ever want to meet them?" She asked with certainly._

_I frowned, finished putting on a light navy-blue blouse before looking at her and asking, "Meet who?"_

_"Nicolas and Sara, do you ever want to meet them?"_ _I was surprised by her question because the answer was a clear as water no, obviously I did not want to_ _know them, that would make it more real, the fact that she has baggage and not one easy to carry on everywhere._

_I wanted to give her some sassy respond, but instead, "I would rather not," I simply said._

_"Nicolas wants to meet you, he's a great guy, I'm sure you'd like him." She walked toward me._

_I remained silent contemplating her words._ _Just out of curiosity, I wanted to know who this Nicolas person was, who was able to talk to Callie the way he did even if I just heard a fragment of a conversation, he knew Callie so much that he was unfazed by her and her demanding presence... I wanted to know why._

_I put my hands on her shoulders, sitting her on the edge of the bed before climbing on her lap, she was surprised at_ _my change of attitude, but still I didn't say anything._

_I just looked at her and managed to go over every detail of her face, she has an almost imperceptible mole on one side of her left eye, I caressed the place with the tips of my fingers and then her eyebrows, her nose, her cheeks, until I reached her lips ... I was mesmerized or rather idiotized with her beauty, her bearing and presence and I wished, I wished so hard, that she could be only mine, that she would notice I was right in front of her, willing to give her everything, to give myself if she asked me ... but she never did._

_"I don't want to be with anyone else, but if I ever do, I'll tell you." I remember the feeling of her lips on mine after that, the kiss was slow and languid and soft and passionate and all at the same time, her hands rested on my thighs, they were warm, she was warm..._

_While we were kissing_ _in bed, I thought, why can't she be with only me?_ _What can I not give her?_ _Why can't she choose me? Am I not enough?_ _I could give her everything and make her as happy as she has been in these two days despite our little argument a few hours ago, but still, if she wanted, I could be her everything. Then I thought ... Is this how her wife feels?_ _By knowing that she is with other people?_ _Was she not enough for Callie either?_ _Or is she simply unable to be with just one person?_

_"One phone call," I looked into her eyes when we parted to get some air, her lips were swollen and her eyes black as night, she was aroused and if that wasn't enough confirmation, I just had to feel her nails being buried on the skin of my thighs._ _"With Nicolas." I continued ... I wanted to know._ _I kissed her once more with fervor and longing for something else, something I_ _wasn't yet ready to give up._ _"But Sara, I never, ever, want to meet your wife." I took it upon myself to_ _make her see that I was being dead serious, I did not want to have to see that woman and realize that she was everything I feared, to see myself reflected in her._

I was sitting alone on the park bench near the Mental Health Center hurting myself with those memories that cause me pain as well as nostalgia. My therapist says it's time to move on… _Yeah_, I'm going to therapy, after giving it a lot of thought and consideration. I didn't want to accept that maybe therapy was a good option, contrary of publics believes, it's hard for psychologists to accept their own needs.

I didn't know how I got here, I used to be so different from this pathetic loser that let herself be carried away by a feeling. Yes, Callie is capable of love, but to love Calliope Torres is not as sweet as anyone could think.

She changed me in ways that I am just now beginning to understand, our relationship, although shortly lived, has left a brand on me that cannot be erased by anyone who comes after her.

I didn't used to believe in love, not one like this one, no. Not in one that cuts you and hits you and hurts you until it only remains some small and incapable parts of yourself, not one where you give small parts of yourself, parts that you can never take back again.

"Hey, can I sit here?" what on earth is she doing here?

* * *

**What do you think about Arizona's doubts?** **Are they valid?** **And what about what Callie really wants?** **Let me know what you think people.**

**Next chapter will possibly be up by Friday**


	12. Chapter 11

**Because of Her**

**Chapter 11**

"Hey, can I sit here?" I looked up at the source of the question asked and of all the people I did not expect to see her, much less trying to strike up a conversation with me. It was not a secret to anyone that she didn't like me very much.

I looked at her with suspicion and ignored her request, she just she sat next to me. "What are you doing here, Aria? And what do you want?" My voice wasn't at all welcoming, was not in the mood to deal with another Torres woman right now.

"Hold your horses, Robbins." She said almost annoyed. "Can't sit on a bench in the park?" She was being sarcastic, so her as annoying as ever.

"There are a lot of benches here, go to another one of them and leave me alone." She of course ignored it.

"Okay, I know you and I do not get along that well, hell, I don't even like you."

"The feeling is totally mutual." I interrupted.

She giggled and continued, "But, I respect you enough as a professional, not like other people that I simply hate." She rolled her eyes, I assumed she was talking about someone close to her, I remember wondering who.

"I still don't understand what are you doing here talking to me or what you want from me?" I was ready to get up and leave, I didn't want to deal with this right now.

"I want to talk to you about my sister." And that was all she had to say to make me stand up and try to leave. "Robbins, wait!" Aria shouted, but I kept walking. "She's leaving her!" Her words, as she expected, I assume, made me stop abruptly.

The first time I heard _her_ voice, she was on the phone with Callie, it seemed like an argument, Callie had the phone on speaker while I was cleaning myself in the bathroom, Callie didn't know I was listening, but I could clearly hear what they said.

"How long?" I heard her ask, her voice demanding and clearly frustrated or angry or upset or all at the same time, one thing was for sure, she was not happy.

"I don't know, the process is taking longer than expected, I need to be here and supervise everything more closely." Callie replied, she was exhausted, but she kept moving around the kitchen area ... _She was making dinner for me._

"You've been saying that for the last three weeks, Callie, stop lying to me." She accused and with good reason, the process of opening Callie's hotel had already been completed two weeks ago and still she decided to stay in Seattle for a few more weeks

They both remained silent for a long minute, so much that I thought the conversation was over. "Sara, I need to stay here." Callie finally answered.

"Why? What are you doing or, rather, who are you doing in that freezing cold city?" Again the accusatory tone and I remember feeling embarrassed, because when looking at the bed in Callie's room, memories of our passionate love-making session passed through my mind.

"I'm not doing anyone, don't say it like that." Callie hissed at the other woman before continuing, "I don't understand what's wrong with you, I've been away much longer and never seemed to matter to you."

"Callie ... I ... I miss you." The other woman said on the phone, "And there's something I want to talk to you about, so please come home, so we can talk ... please Callie, I need you." Her soft voice in her request was different than when their conversation began.

Lately, Callie spent more and more time with me than in any other place or city, she always talked about the places she had to go but at the end of the day she never went and stayed with me in my apartment or vice versa instead, so it was not so surprising to hear Sara ... her wife ... ask her to come back to her ... _it was painful, but not surprising._

And that's when I understood that I was making Sara, the other woman...

"What do you mean, she's leaving _her_? Leaving who?" I walked towards Aria, surprised at her words by all means.

"Who do you think? Sara!" Aria said sitting on the bench again, nodding to the spot where I was sitting seconds before hearing this news, I sat next to her again, but I didn't know what to say. "I cannot believe she's finally doing it."

I remained silent, a lot of thoughts flooding my mind, but always reaching the same resolution. "I made her the other woman, just like my mom was." I had never said those words out loud, but I felt they were true.

Aria looked at me confused and asked, "What do you mean?"

I swallowed hard before unveiling the secret of my parents' relationship, one that my mother still believes I know nothing about. "My father had an affair, it was what finally led them to divorce, my mother stayed there for way too long, enduring the unbearable until one day she took my brother and me away from him." I knew that my father wasn't a bad person, he just did something bad, but he hurt my mother with his actions. "I promised myself that I would never be in that situation, that I would not repeat my parents' mistakes and here I am ... I just ... I just never thought that I would be the cause of someone else's pain."

"Oh please!" Aria's reaction took me by surprise, I looked at her confused. "You cannot possibly think that Sara is a victim here, because she is not." She laughed sarcastically and went on, "She is just a selfish, upstart and ambitious woman, she doesn't deserve sympathy, in other words, she's a bitch!" To say that I was surprised to hear Aria talk about Callie's wife that way was an understatement. "And my sister is an idiot for letting herself be dragged by the mud just for her, it was about goddamn time for her to take off the blindfold and see that harpy for what she really is ... I hate her so much! And now she wants to give her child to Callie? Like, how can she even?"

Our first big fight was about children, hypothetical children, it was a while after we started having intimacy, I thought that being with her in that sense everything will be a little easier, but it wasn't, with it came more insecurities and questions without apparent response.

Jealousy and malicious comments came, even immature attitudes and behavior like me flirting with a women in front of Callie in a bar just to cause a reaction from her that never came, she kept saying _"If that's what you want"_ She didn't even flinch and eventually I grow angry because of it ... _how pathetic is that?_

She always said she wasn't a jealous person, but I remembered her conversation with Nicolas and each time she denied it, it drove me crazy. Just as I wanted to make her jealous, I aroused those insecurities within myself, every time she left and didn't call right away or when she didn't respond to my messages, then the questions began, where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? Etcetera. It wasn't the question per se, it was how the question was made what irritated Callie thee most and she in response ignored me most of the time, saying, " _I don't like being controlled."_ So she didn't give me any answer.

So that night of our big fight, I was irritated, I had been having some challenges in my line of work with some doctors who thought that by practicing medicine they are better than any other health professional out there, anyway, I was irritated, Callie canceled our lunch without further explanation, I tried to call her several times, but she never answered, so I decided to go to her place, but she wasn't there either and it was late at night.

I waited for an hour until finally she crossed the doors of the elevator all sweaty in sports clothes, I jumped at her right away. "Where the hell have you been? I tried to contact you all afternoon and you didn't answer." I was more than frustrated, more than with her, with myself for putting myself in this position.

Callie frowned at my tone of voice, "My phone is dead, I'm sorry." Her breathing was still panting, she went into the kitchen area and took a bottle of water from the fridge.

I somehow couldn't understand her answer, it seemed absurd. "Your phone died, are you kidding? And you sorry? Sorry it's not enough." I almost screamed and knew then that I had gain a reaction from her.

"Look, Arizona, I know you have this thing about answering the phone all the time, but I'm not like that, I forget about things, I lost track of time or I busy myself on other things, I have a job that it's not going to do itself, I cannot stand by the phone all the time waiting for you to write to me or call me just to answer immediately!" As she spoke her tone increased, she was exasperated, I could see it all over her tired face, but did I stop? No, of course I did not.

"I don't ask you to stand by your phone or to answer immediately, but at least respond so I won't leave me hanging and disappear for hours, I was worried." I argue her argument ... _I remember the tension of the room going up further in that moment._

"Worried about what? That I'm going to go to a bar and bring a woman here or that I will simply leave town without saying a word?" Her words were close to home.

"How?" Those specific words ...

"I went to the Center to surprise you, you were talking to someone, a friend of yours I suppose, but how should I know that, oh right, because you have never introduced me to your friends." She reproached me under her breath, "I heard you tell her those exact words, that's why I canceled lunch." Callie began to take off her sneakers and sweaty T-shirt as she spoke.

Honestly, to this day I don't remember having that said conversation, but I guess it was probably Jo with whom I shared those thoughts that haunted me. "So instead of talking to me, you just disappeared." She didn't say anything so I continued. "That means your phone wasn't dead and you just ignored my calls and messages."

"No, Arizona, I'm not twelve, my phone was actually dead and I didn't have the charger in me. I just needed a space to calm down and think." She was in front of me in sports bra and waist-high tights. "What's going on with you and your thing about the phone?" She had her hands on her waist waiting for an answer.

"Oh my God! Because the main essence of having a phone is being able to be in touch all the time or at the right time, because of the what if." I tried to explain already frustrated.

"What if, what?" She shouted at me, frustrated too.

"I don't know, what if something bad happens to you or you have an emergency or I have an emergency and I need you? How about one day we have children and they have an emergency or something happens and you aren't available or don't answer the damn phone?" I listed the possibilities without noticing the can of worms that I had just opened.

"What are you talking about? What children?" Callie wore a confused face as if what I had just said made no sense or was the craziest thing I would have said.

"It's just a guess, hypothetically speaking." I tried to make it smaller than it was, but the truth is that I was waiting for an opportunity to talk to her about the subject ... _I just didn't know it would be in the middle of a fight._

Callie laughed in my face at my comment and I remember feeling so small because it gave me the feeling that she was laughing at me. "No, nothing like that, no hypothetical children, no." She said firmly.

"Callie, can we -"

"No!" She interrupted me. "Stop, you have to stop any idea you're having because it's just not going to happen, Arizona and if you don't you'll end up hurting yourself." She said annoyed with the mere idea being contemplated in my head ... _which it hurt, a lot._

"What are you talking about?" I tried to play it dumb but my eyes full of tears gave me away.

"I'm talking about you thinking about kids in the future or whatever, you have to stop because there will be no kids, ever, I don't want them." She said emphatically, she looked at me firmly as if daring to say otherwise.

"But what if I want them?" I asked weakly, my voice low and undecided. I didn't even know why I was fighting against it right that moment, it wasn't like I wanted to have babies right away, but I certainly wanted to know where Callie and I were on the subject ... _Apparently, very far from each other._

Callie grunted in exasperation before answering, "Then you must find someone who wants to have them with you, because I don't." She never looked away and I just couldn't believe the venom with which she said those words to me.

"Now, that's just cruel, Callie, even for you." A tear finally rolled down my cheek.

"I'm sorry, Arizona, I'm just being honest with you." She said picking up her sneakers and heading to the bedroom. "There was a time when I wanted them, but then I got married and the thought of children just didn't fit anymore, Sara doesn't want children, Nicolas already has two -"

"So, what about me?" I asked loudly, making her stop in her tracks. "What? I just have to roll with the punches? Is that what awaits me in a relationship with you, Callie?" She didn't answer my questions and just stared at me with pity ... _that was the last thing I needed nor wanted_. "You're so full of yourself!" I was filled with rage, I cleaned my cheeks and took my things, I just needed to get out of there.

"_You_ are full of yourself!" She yelled back. "I'm so sick of you trying to change me when you knew what you were getting into, you ask for honesty and when I do give it to you, you act like this, all hurt." she continued, anger in her eyes. "I don't get you, Arizona, I'm here with you, but it never seems to be enough, it's never enough and when you get mad and ask something to which I respond with total honesty you become this whining little child unable to take things like they are. _I'm so sick of it!_ If you want to whine, fine, but don't wait for me to cuddle you because I'm not going to do it, you made your decision, so you better take it."

How dare she, how could she tell me such a thing? I remember feeling hurt, ignored, despondent, but more important, angry. "Screw you!" So I left.

A few weeks after that, she told me about having a baby with Sara, her wife.

Because of Her, because of her words, I knew how hurtful Callie can be when telling the truth, because it was... True … I made my decision.

It hurts, doesn't it? To have someone tell you the truth when in your heart you already knew it from the beginning? And it hurts even more when that someone, is the one you learned to love either way.

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**Clearly, we're on the darker part of the story. Why does Aria hate Sara so much? Is Callie really leaving her? And who did Arizona call after her talk with Sara? Don't tell me you forgot about that, because I haven't. all those questions will be answered soon enough **

**Fun fact, the sequence of that fight was what made me write the entire story. **


	13. Chapter 12

**Hi folks, I know I've been away for many weeks but stuff have happened, my grandma got** **sick and my mom was here with me, basically I was the chauffeur for anything they needed, work has also been complicated as I just started a research project and on top of all that I also started my training to be part of the Navy next year, so I have been busy here, but** **I** **promise that I will finish this story as soon as possible to finally focus my energy on finish Love in the Time of Cholera.**

**Thank you so much everyone for your patience and for keep on reading despite the delays, I appreciate it greatly.** **Some of the** **lyrics used in this chapter were from Perfect Places by Lorde and Before I Ever Met You by Banks. **

**I hope you enjoy this new deliver,** **since we**'**re very close to discovering** **who Sara really is and what** **will be the final decision from both Callie and Arizona, so you cannot miss it.**

* * *

**Because of Her**

**Chapter 12**

I wanted so much to know about her, to know how she was, where she was, still like me, there were other people who had the same questions, nobody knows where she is or where she has been or when she will return, if she ever does. As I sit here waiting, thinking, I just wanted to see her and say, let's kiss and then take off our clothes, let's go to perfect places, let's find perfect places and stay there, but where the fuck are perfect places anyway.

I once read _"Loving someone strips you of your dignity"_ and I remember laughing so hard at such a toxic conception of what love was and wondering how could that be the right way to love, because for obvious reasons loving someone should not be a sign of weakness or dishonor or disrespect to yourself as a person. The author concluded that often love limited you to see, hear or understand the actions of you beloved, that we loving people allow so many things to take place, we stay, we cry, we hang, we forgive and again we stay, loving them, the loss of dignity and what take us there, it's what he called truly loving, he them went and asked, "_Have you felt it? Because if not then you haven't really loved" _at the time I didn't understand how that could be the version of love that he considered to be veracious, but today I would have given anything for someone to warn me that this would happen eventually, but then again I know deep down it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

It's easy for those who are behind the wall, outsiders, who consider that I don't have self-respect for myself, but I do have it and yet what I can't avoid or change is the way I feel towards her, all those things that I mentioned before that I wanted, I still want them with her, but I know I'm not going to do it, I know it's not going to happen ... _That ship has sailed and sunk._

"Arizona?" I looked up at the call of my name and finally found the curious eyes I was waiting for, sitting outside in a small cafe shop downtown. "Are you okay there? Sorry I'm late, my flight was delayed." He excuses himself and sits in front of me, he orders a cappuccino and I realize that I have not said anything yet ... I guess I was mesmerized by the perfection that is his face. "Arizona?" Once again he called my name.

I finally shake up from my momentary reverie and smiled shyly, "I'm sorry, it's just that being face to face with you is something surreal." I answered as best I could, "That and the fact that you're pretty attractive." I winked at him and his smile was even more shocking ... What was happening with me and why was I there filtering with this man? That was far from my logical reasoning.

"You're also a very attractive woman, Arizona." He returned the wink with suspicion in his eyes, I felt my cheeks heat up, but I shook the feeling away. "I have to say I was very surprised by your call, it was definitely something I did not expect." He mentions while thanking the waitress for his coffee.

"You and me, both." I said sipping my coffee too. "But I guess I don't have anyone else to turn to about her, I think she needs help and something leads me to believe that she trusts you more than anyone else." It pains me to say that the woman I love and whom I'm never going to be with, have more confidence in this man than me. "She needs your help, _Nicolas_."

_"What's he like?" I asked no malice in my question, just curiosity._ _She had me wrapped in her embrace from behind, we were in my_ _kitchen, she had just arrived from a long day of meetings, but I had the day off, so I invited her to dinner at my place, when she got here kissed me on the cheek and hugged me from behind while telling me about her day ... it was when his name came to my consciousness._

_"Who?"_ _I could feel her inhale_ _the perfume of my neck as she asked, her embrace growing stronger._ _"I missed you these days." She said while kissing me at the base of my neck, I could feel my skin bristling at her touch._

_I smiled at her words._ _After our trip to Cartagena, she had to go on a trip for another three days and today is her first day back in Seattle ... with me._ _"I also missed you, but you haven't answered my question." She looked at me from behind, clear confusion on her face._ _"Nicolas, what's he like?" At my question, she narrowed her eyes and tilted her head as if pondering my question, whether it was serious or not._

_"He's a great guy." I continued doing my task, her left hand still around my waist, "Why do you ask?"_

_"I'm just curious." I answered honestly; I remember laughing when she raised an eyebrow in disbelief._ _"I mean it, you always talk about him and the businesses you have together, never very detailed anything but small cuts of what is notoriously a great relationship of trust." I explained._

_"Did you figure that out with your psychological skills?" My elbow connected with the center of her stomach as soon as the question left her lips, "Ouch!_ _I take it back, I'm sorry." We laughed again and when we finally regained our composure she continued._ _"I don't talk so much about him, because I feel it may be_ _uncomfortable_ _for you, but if you want to know ..." She looked at me once more for confirmation, I nodded and she leaned over the kitchen counter crossing her arms._ _"I've known Nicolas for years, we've always been good friends, my parents even thought I'd marry him someday." At her admission my hands stopped, I looked at_ _her in_ _surprise and she smiled in response._ _"I may be bisexual, but I've never imagined myself married to a man, with no one in fact, until Sara came along and all that changed."_

_At the mention of her wife my countenance changed and I think she noticed it because quickly changed the focus of the conversation back to Nicolas._ _"He has always been there, telling me the truth, unapologetic; most people find me intimidating, but not him." She and I laughed at that comment, "He doesn't apologize, he doesn't give a shit about who I am and I'm basically his boss, he keeps me at bay, with my feet on the ground, if it had not been for him I might not be where I am today, professionally speaking."_

_I had to ask, I think you all imagine what my question would be._ _"How did you go from being friends to, well, whatever you guys are now?" I was looking directly at her and she at me._

_"We had an on and off relationship, mainly because we didn't work as much as a couple, always in each other's throat, very similar temperaments, we realized that we worked better as just friends, business partners and occasional hook up, then he fell in love and got married and he had two beautiful daughters, all that while I was getting to know Sara, a few years later he divorced and I was marrying Sara, when Sara suggested the open marriage, everything kind of just went that way." She explained in more detail before ending saying, "He and I have an agreement, that we are going to stop at any time we want and continue to be good friends, which is basically what we are anyway ... I don't know, it's hard to explain."_

_I wiped my hands, approached her, placing my hands on each side of her hips._ _"No, it's not, I had one of those relationships once." She gave me a surprised look and I had to smile._ _"Yes, Callie, I've had it, even though I'm not in contact with her anymore, she left because of her work." I told her as I leaned over to give her a chaste kiss on the lips._ _"Now, dinner will be in about twenty minutes, do you want to check Netflix for a movie that interests us both this time?" I ask remembering that the last movie being about superheroes, don't get me wrong, I like it my superhero doses as much as the next person, but enough is enough._

_"Funny you say that, because_ _Bird_ _Box is finally available." She mentioned with enthusiasm, she has been waiting for the premiere for weeks._

_I smiled at her mannerism, "Ok then let's go." Before I could take a step away from her, she wrapped me in her arms again, my chest crashing against her chest._

_"We'll do that, but first, I want this." The next thing I knew, her lips were on mine, one hand around my waist and the other on my neck keeping me there for what seemed like hours, her tongue invaded my mouth and I gladly let her take control, my hands naturally went around her neck, effectively joining our bodies even more, my leg between her legs and hers between mine, which I could feel very well through the delicate fabric of my shorts, I remember her strong grip on my blonde hair that made me want her even more, the air was scarce, my lungs were widening looking for oxygen and even so I didn't want to stop kissing her with such intensity, she bit my lower lip and I felt my legs become weak letting out a guttural moan from the base of my throat, I could literally feel her smile through the_ _kiss, she knew what she was doing to me and although incredibly unfair, I didn't want stop, I didn't want her to ever stop._

_I wanted her so much_

I still do

"Still do what?" I must have said that out loud, Nicolas was looking at me confused.

I shook my head as if trying to erase those memories, as if I could ever do it. "Nothing, don't worry about it." He didn't look entirely convinced, but didn't say anything else. "You were saying something ..."

"Oh yes, I was telling you that I'm not sure how much information I can expose about Callie and her delicate marriage situation and how it is directly related to her business." He explained what I guess he was saying while I once again took a walk to the train of memories.

"It's okay, Nicolas, I don't want to know." I assured him with sincerity. "I just want to know that she will have a person in her corner," I said almost with concern. "Sara, her wife, doesn't seem to be someone that should be taken lightly."

Nicolas laughed dryly, as if what I said was just an understatement, the tip of the iceberg. "She is not someone to take lightly, you're correct." Nicolas says as he repositions in his chair in front of me, his body language giving me the impression that he was not a big fan of Callie's wife either. just like Aria. "She wasn't like that at the beginning, you know? She changed and in the process Callie changed as well. Aria said she saw it coming, but I don't know, I suppose I should have seen it, after all, I am her best friend, right?" His deviant look and sad smile let me see something there ... _maybe guilt?_

I decided not to wave in the impressions that he gave me with his comments and body language, so I didn't ask anything else regarding what he just said. "Do you know where she is? Aria told me she has not seen or heard from her for weeks."

"You still love her, don't you?" Nicolas asked and I could feel my cheeks blush one more time, my heart beating against my chest. "Don't worry, you're neither the first nor the last to do it, she's just like that, there's something about her that makes you fickle, be deliverable, something that pulls you towards her," He paused and took in my reaction to his words. "The point is Arizona, it doesn't matter how much you love her if she doesn't feel the same for you, I've seen girls and guys fall at her feet as if she were some kind of unreachable goddess and each time she only looked over her shoulder at them... figuratively, of course." We shared a short laugh. "But ..." Nicolas continued, "When she loves you back you will feel like that unattainable reaches the palms of your hands and you will want to treasure it forever and never let it go, you'd be an idiot if you let it go. I have seen her love and she loves hard but I've also seen her love and fail." He looked away from me, which gave me a sense of instability and so I wonder who did Callie love so much and failed to get them to love her back?

Could he be referring to himself or perhaps Callie's wife? I wish I could have an answer to these questions someday.

"Nicolas -" before I could say anything, he interrupted me.

"She's here in Seattle, she's been here for days, she said she wanted to give you your space and leave you alone because that's what you wanted, but now that I talk to you I'm not so sure that's what you want, Am I wrong, Arizona?" His question took me by surprise somehow, he knew it, he knew everything and still he was here talking to me ... _Callie was here_. "I know for a fact that she wants to see you, the question is, do you want to go see her?"

To see her again, despite everything, was what I wanted the most, I was hurt and angry and sad and yet all I could think about was to see her again, just for a moment and be able to tell her so many things, that may not make a difference because as I said before ... _that ship has sailed and sank_ ... there is no going back and yet here I am sitting in front of who is one of her partners no less and I like him, I even think I might have a little crush on him of all men and yet I'm still contemplating going to see her.

Her, who has kissed me in so many ways I didn't even know I could be kissed,

Her, who taught me that my heart could love so hard and feel so much pain at the same time,

Her, who has broken me in so many ways that I didn't even know I could be broken

My hands were sweaty and my heart was pounding against my ribcage, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, then I got up and looked him straight in the eyes with all the confidence I could muster and answered ... _"No, I don't want to."_


	14. Chapter 13

**Because of her**

**Chapter 13**

_One day I just knew that what I felt was more than just desire for her._ _I knew it was something else._

_One day I just knew ... that I loved her._

_We were on her couch, we had just arrived from McDonald loaded with burgers and fries like for an entire squad, we couldn't stop laughing, since she had this brilliant idea of asking for what the previous client had requested and was literally an order for like four or five people ... she thought it would be fun and if it was, to see her try to finish one of those huge hamburgers without dying while doing it._

_I remember her, laughing out of control, her eyes shining with tears of mischief and laughing so much at her precarious situation, she had her hair tied up in a loose bun, a mint green t-shirt on and baggy jeans, the only additional item was her smart watch, no earrings, no makeup, nothing, it reminded me of our time in Cartagena and the feeling of love and enchantment that I felt when I saw her, feeling her aroma near me._

_She was so beautiful, to me she was._ _I had seen beautiful women and been with beautiful women before, but something about her, she just felt out of level, out of all rule gorgeous._

_I remember her words then._ _"What?_ _Why are you looking at me like that?" She laughed nervously._

_I shook my head smiling, but replied, "Nothing, you're just ... beautiful." I laughed as I watched her take her head back with an uncontrollable laugh._

_"Are you drooling over me, Arizona Robbins?" She asked me when her laughter faded slightly, eyebrow raised, a sideway smile and suggestive tone ... that was her and I loved it._

_"Ughrrrr!" I growled, rolling my eyes at her question._ _"You're so annoying, I shouldn't have said anything." I stood up and walked into the kitchen for some water._

_She laughed at me again, following me to the kitchen area as well._ _"No, no, I wanna hear more about it ... I mean, you're beautiful and sexy and funny, and did I mention sexy?" She asked knowingly, I just smiled with my lips on the water bottle._ _"But not every day I get to hear your spontaneous praise about me, so I want to hear more, come on!_ _Tell me more, it's nice." Her smile, I believe, until today, could light the entire floor._

_"You're so annoying, you know that? Besides you don't need more praises, you head will explode." I rolled my eyes with a loose laugh, and then she took my water and proceeded to finish it._ _"Hey!_ _I was drinking that!" I said almost indignantly, but she just kept laughing at me._

_"Well, not anymore."_ _She responded by finishing the whole bottle of water and turning towards the couch again but before she did that I just jumped on her back._ _"What the hell are you doing?_ _You crazy woman!" I knew she wasn't mad by her uncontrolled laughter and tried to keep herself and me from falling to the ground._

_"You're beautiful and sexy too." I said with a smirk in her ear._ _"But also very annoying and now you're going to pay for taking my water." She walked with me on her back to the couch, both a mess of laughter._

_"You water?_ _Technically it's my water because it was in my fridge, sooo." She answered quickly, sat on the couch with me still on her back like a baby lazy bear._

_"I was drinking it, it was my water." I repositioned myself and found a place in her lap, I took her face in my hands and I kissed her right on her lips before I could say anything else_ _and while we kissed I started tickling her ribs, which I found she was very sensitive in those areas, much more than myself._

_She burst out laughing again, trying to stop my hands from the attack._ _"Say you're sorry." I kept repeating until she finally said it and I stopped._

_"You're crazy, do you know that?_ _You're a crazy person." She said, her voice panting and tired of all that laughter and effort._

_"Maybe I am, don't you like me to be crazy?" I asked my face close to her, her uneven breathing could feel it on my lips._

_"I love you being a crazy person." She said giving me a light kiss._ _"It makes you more interesting and easy to annoy." I felt her smirk on my neck, she took my hands and hugged me with mine still in hers_ _, gave me chaste kisses on the neck while she hugged me, nothing sexual, just the contact of her lips with my skin and even then I felt my body under fire._

_"Callie?" I called her and she looked at me, innocence in her eyes, for the first time, she had no other intentions but to be there with me, without waiting for something else to happen._ _Then I knew that the feelings while in our trip to Cartagena came back with more strength and the doubt I had then, was no longer there, I wanted it all, no matter what, regardless of the consequences or the situation or the implications._ _I just wanted her, I wanted her to touch me and kiss me and make me hers, I wanted her to love me like I, certainly in that moment, loved her._

_She looked at me confused by my silence, but then smiled delicately and blushed, almost as if she knew what was going through my mind, I smiled back before leaning down, my lips millimeters from hers and whispered, "Take me to bed and make love to me"_

I don't know why I'm remembering that moment right about now, maybe it's the fact that I'm in LA in a Mental Health convention, not in other, but in one of Callie's hotels.

I keep telling myself that it was unlikely for Callie to be here, I mean, she travels all the time and the hotel she less comes to is this, because is in the hands of another of her most faithful friend, Addison Montgomery, so there was no reason to think that she would be here, like what are the odds, right?

This hotel is very beautiful, with a beautiful view of the sea as she likes it. I sat in the back of the auditorium trying to listen to the speakers about current psychiatric and psychological methods but even though the topic was one of my total interests, other things were in my head. I closed my eyes trying to concentrate all my attention on the debate that was unfolding before me and it was just not possible, as soon as I closed my eyes, I knew it had been a bad idea.

My skin bristled at the memory, my palms were sweaty as my pulse rose, I could almost feel her perfume in the air, the deep and strong distinctive wave of her perfume...

_Her eyes, I remember how her eyes ruminate my body like a predator to her prey, her eyes were so dark like the night that was fanning through the window in her room that night, it was an incredibly dark night, I remember thinking it was odd but my thoughts were quickly diverted when her hands reached my waist almost pulling me towards her but not doing it all together, I knew that this move was intentional, she wanted me to believe that the option of approaching me was mine when in fact she controlled it everything._

_"Are you sure you want me to keep going?" She asked me in a lower voice, her voice was thick and hoarse and made bristle my skin just listening to her, but she never took her eyes from mine. "Remember, this is your deal, I just follow the rules, your rules." She smiled sideways, which made it clear that her statement was nothing but sarcasm._

_"I want you." It was the only thing I could say, I wanted to gain more control, but with a single glance of her, I collapsed right into her arms._

_"Where do you want me?" She asked, the arrogant smile never leaving her lips. "You have to tell me." She was enjoying what she was doing to me, every reaction she got from me was for her enjoyment and that almost made me retreat ... I said almost._

_"I want you to kiss me." I replied instead, pretending to have some confidence, I didn't fool anyone and certainly not her._

_Once she smiled at me again, she leaned close to my face, her lips almost touching mine, "Do you want me to kiss you here?" Her fingers gravitated towards my cheeks, I couldn't answer with words, so I shook my head in denial. "No? then you want me to kiss you ... here?" Her hands migrated down from my face to my chest, her fingers caressing the edges of my breasts, again she leaned over and this time I let her kiss me in the valley my breasts, she put her tongue between my boobs and I remember feeling like my body was on fire._

_I squeezed my legs together trying to calm the throbbing feeling that came from my core but it was even worse because the fit of my pants just pressed in the right place, if you know what I mean. She sucked between my breasts so hard that I knew immediately it would leave me a mark to wear the next day, I just couldn't take it anymore._

_I put my hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back and made her sit on the edge of the bed, she raised her eyebrow questioning my movements, I stopped standing between her wide-open legs, her face at the height of my black leather belt. She laughed, "Oh! I know where you want me to kiss you then."_

_I put a single finger on her lips, "No talking." I wanted some control in this, I needed it and she understood or that was what I assumed, when she nodded. The next thing I knew was that she started to remove the belt, awfully slow, she knew what was causing in me and still didn't care. I knew she enjoyed it because, in effect, I imposed my rules and my limits on our relationship and the terms of it, but even so, I only wanted her to stop gloating about my torture._

_She opened the button and unzipped my pants before lifting the hem of my shirt, revealing my flat stomach, all without taking her eyes off mine. Her desire for me radiated from her eyes and her touch and that somehow reassured me. It helped me not to think I was just a loser who could not refuse her and her touch ... __in my subconscious, I knew it was true, I was just a loser because of her._

_She kissed my abdomen while lowering the edge of my pants, revealing my underwear, I would like to say that it was sexy underwear, but, come on, this is not one of those unrealistic romcom movies, this was reality and the reality is that that night I was wearing regular black underwear, deal with it._

_I helped her remove my pants completely and my shirt on my own, her hands migrated to my ass, taking a handful of my buttocks on each of her hands as she placed a delicate but steady kiss on my lower abdomen. My whole body shuddered to feel her breathing so close to my need, she slowly lowered my thong without taking her eyes away, almost asking for approval, I just nodded, I needed her, what else could I do? So she would finally place her ravenous mouth on my lips and so she did._

_The first time I felt her mouth on my womanhood it was like a combustion taking place behind my eyes, her firm and yet soft tongue against the inner walls of my center, she was gentle but strong, she took my left leg over her shoulder forcing me to support my hands on her shoulders and head for stability, so I could feel her fully devouring me with such intensity that I felt the orgasm approaching quickly and I didn't want her to stop, I didn't want to leave behind the feeling of ecstasy that she was making me feel with only her mouth, but still the control of my body was no longer mine ... it was hers and I was fine with it._

_I brought my head back when finally, my body released a long, guttural moan, I was short of breath, my heart wanted to get out of my chest with each beat, my body tensed so much that all my limbs were hurting._

_She kissed me one more time looking at me and for the first time her look didn't have a drop of arrogance, only longing and something else was there._ _I lowered my leg from her shoulder_ _and sat on her lap again, slowly leaning over her and kissed her fiercely, testing myself on her swollen lips._ _I wasn't in a hurry, I didn't want to hurry, I wanted to enjoy her touch, her presence, her scent and her kisses._

_I took off her shirt, jeans and underwear and climbed back on top of her, I also didn't want to give up my superior position and she noticed it._ _"Do you want to be on top?_ _That's fine with me, it doesn't bother me, I think it's hot." She casually commented with a broad smile playing on her lips, then pushed my body upwards leaving my breasts at her mercy, she took my right nipple in her mouth and sucked expertly, I couldn't keep my lower body from acting on it's own, my hips started rolling on her stomach and I_ _found myself wanting her to be inside of me, so I grabbed one of her hands that caressed my left breast and took it to where I wanted it so badly, her other hand held near the head of the bed._

_Callie soon understood my intentions, quickly giving me what I wanted, I felt two of her fingers enter me slowly expanding the walls of my core, a couple of thrusts and this woman had already found that sweet pleasant place inside me._ _My blonde hair fell over her head full of black wavy hair while her mouth paid attention to my left breast this time, her hand went in and out of my depths, with each thrust I could feel the arrival of a second impending orgasm crashing down on me._

_Then I felt my body hit the mattress and I understood that she had changed our positions without stopping her ministrations on my body ... how was that possible, I couldn't know._

_She put her free hand behind my neck and pulled my hair into a fist._ _"Look at me, Arizona." My eyes snapped open at the sound of her command._ _"Is this what you wanted?" And I remember smiling at her question, because yes, this was what I wanted and I wasn't ashamed to admit it._ _She smiled back before pushing harder._ _"Can you handle one more?" I nodded and the next thing I felt was the welcome intrusion of another digits inside me._

_So I decided to level the play field by straining one of my hands in the middle of our bodies, finding her sex easily, she was so wet, so welcoming..._ _"Wait ..." She asked figuring out my intentions, but I didn't stop, I knew she didn't want me to._ _"Arizonaaah ..." My name was whispered while I moved inside her with fervor and practicality, it didn't feel like the first time, on the contrary it felt like I been doing this for a long time ... making her mine._ _"Wait, Arizona ... I want-" She tried again, but I was not having any of that._

_"I want to make you mine ... so I'm not waiting." It was my concrete answer._ _She let go of my hair, resting her hand on the bed, taking a handful of the quilt in place, her fingers inside of me never stopped and neither did mine. I looked at her face, astonishingly shock by her, her eyebrows gathered in concentration, her eyes closed tightly, a lip between her teeth, her heavy breathing_ _... it was too much, she was too much, and during those moments, she was all mine._

_I kissed her, biting her lower lip with force instated, she moaned at the contact and my back arched at the sensations she caused with her touch._ _I don't know how long we were like this; I could only feel that I was getting to the climax again and I knew that she was close too because of the way she sucked my fingers inside her._ _Then I felt it, the explosion of juices in my hands and the tension of her body, it was when I couldn't hold it any longer._

_I came, I came so hard that for a moment there I thought I wouldn't breathe again and I would faint._ _Her body collapsed on top of mine, her face on my neck, her breath tickling against my chin but although my legs felt like jelly and my head like freshly-puddled pudding, there was something I wanted to do and I had honestly thought about doing it since I met her._

_Gently we went back to our initial position, I on top of her, but this time I was in the middle of her legs completely._ _"Callie?" I called for her attention and I remember thinking that_ _there was no sight more beautiful than this, flushed cheeks, panting breath and heavy eyelids._ _She said nothing, just looked at me, I gave her a deep kiss that lasted for a few long minutes._ _"I'm going to fuck you again and I want you to watch this time." I said and the irises of her eyes darkened instinctively, it was my turn to smile arrogantly._

_I remember feeling her taste for the first time and having the feeling of not wanting to taste another essence anymore but also, there would be no way this would feel like a one doing only either, I was already addicted to this, to her, to her body, her taste and all her splendor._

I had to wield my fists at such explicit memories of our first time came along and I apologize if that somehow made you guys uncomfortable, but I can't help it, I can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop thinking about her.

Her presence is everywhere, her memory is everywhere even in L A, she is in the corridors of this hotel, she is in me, I can almost feel her perfume. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I stood up and left the auditorium, I needed a distraction, fresh air, a little water or rather a cold shower, but leaving the auditorium only made it worse, I still had the feeling of her perfume in my nostrils, as if she were some kind of close ... as if she were here.

That's when I saw her, I looked ahead and she was just there in all her gorgeous ways, in an elegant navy-blue pant suit, a white gold watch, stilettos and sunglasses over her head, talking to who I can assume were her clients or business partners.

She has never looked more stylized and perfect, well maybe the night we met. I was petrified in the place, trying to decide what to do, but more importantly, I was trying to have enough strength to take my eyes off her.

She shook the hand of the men she spoke with, smiled politely and said goodbye, then she took out her Iphone and I thought everything would be fine, you know, she would go back to the rest of her day without even knowing that I was even here because I would be leaving at the end of the day too, to my life back in Seattle.

But nope ... When have you known that things go the way you want?

She didn't go back to her day, and I didn't go back to my Mental Health Conference and back to our lives as planned, instead, she looked up from her phone and it was when we crossed glances, that was when I understood that no matter what I do, there was no way I could avoid this encounter from happening now.

She was there and so was I, so you guys know something was about to go down.

* * *

**All mistakes are mine**


	15. Chapter 14

**Because of Her**

_**Previously…**_

When have you known that things go the way you want?

She didn't go back to her day, and I didn't go back to my Mental Health Conference and back to our lives as planned, instead, she looked up from her phone and it was when we crossed glances, that was when I understood that no matter what I do, there was no way I could avoid this encounter from happening now.

She was there and so was I, so you guys know something was about to go down.

**Chapter 1** **4**

_I was under her, my breathing was forced, uneven, I couldn't keep my eyes open no matter how hard I tried and she kept asking ... How the hell am I supposed to keep my eyes open while she does that?_ _Just don't stop, it was all I could think of._

She was under me, her hands on my hips, she squeezed the skin that her hands found in its path, I putted my hands on her stomach, founding sweat and heat on contact, my hips didn't stop, if so they moved harder but at an even pace , I wanted it to be slowly and I knew that was killing her, I could see it in her eyes as she practically begged me to speed up, but I just didn't want to. This was the way I wanted to have her and I wasn't going to change it.

_She moved with me with frenzy, her breasts against mine was the most delicious sensation, her erect nipples were just asking to be sucked by my mouth and I wanted to do it, but every time I tried, her lips, her hands, her hips, in general her entire body, didn't allow me, it was just too much ... everything was so intense that I could feel how the air was scarce and I felt as if my heart was going burst out of my chest at that moment._

I leaned over her body without stopping my hips and I took her left nipple in my mouth, I knew it was the most sensitive one and I took the most out of that little info, her fingers went through my golden hair as her moans intensified, she wanted more, I knew that, but still ... I took one of her hands and carried it up, I wanted emotional contact too, if I allow myself to admit it. Her free hand went down my naked back leaving scratches in its path, showing her desire and frustration mixed. Our centers collided with each thrust and each time it sent a pleasant sensation to our whole bodies that kept us both close to orgasm, but not enough ... It was not enough; it never was with her.

_She was so deep inside me that with each thrust she made with the toy, I was like left feeling like holding, my legs were shaking, my hips were moving at will, her lips were on my neck and by the way she sucked my pulse point, I knew it would leave a mark and I didn't care, this woman was pushing so hard and fast that I only cared to go on to oblivion._ _I could feel her mouth, seemingly everywhere, sucking and_ _biting all over, I felt the tingling start on the tips of my feet as my nails tore through the skin of her back._

_"Open your eyes." She said. Raspy, deep voice. I remember feeling that I could get there by just listening to her commands._

"Open your eyes." I told her, my voice commanding, but in a whisper.

_She took my hands over my head_,_ kissed my lips, her tongue in my mouth in a languid kiss before biting my lower lip with ferocity._ _She loved having control_ _and I loved giving it to her whenever she wanted nowadays._ _"I want you to look, I want you to look while I fuck you, I want you to look how it goes in and out of you so easily, look, look for yourself." She told me, her lips a few millimeters from my mouth, her eyes along mine drifted to the bottom of our bodies and I looked,_ _I saw what_ _she asked me to... pink colored toy going in and out of my depths with ease, glistening with my fluids, every time she pulled out taking almost the entire thing out before putting it back in abruptly, my hips bucking from the mattress, from her mattress, in her room, I bit my lip at the sight, my abdomen tensed in the effort._ _"You're so wet and that's because of me." A guttural moan left our chests as she thrusted back in with renewed vigor ... she was right, it was Because of Her._

I took her hands over her head and kissed her intensely, her waiting mouth wanted to devour mine and I liked that, she was right where I wanted her, I kissed and bit her lower lip and chin hard, her skin flushing rapidly, she hissed at the deliciously painful action, trying to free her hands from my grasp, but I didn't allow her. When she finally opened her eyes and surrendered her body to mine, I said, "I want you to look how our bodies mold with each other. I want you to look while I make love to you." She looked towards the middle of our bodies moaning at the sight of our cores colliding together in a single tuning, our engorged members molded against each other sending electroshocks to the rest of our bodies, her legs were wide open at my disposal and the sight only made me want to put my lips on that over stimulated heat, but I resisted myself ... there will be time for that, I thought at the time. With each thrust of our hips I could kept think, "You're so wet and willing, and that's because of me," I said whispering into her mouth before catching those swollen lips between my teeth.

_"Look at me." She demanded, I looked away straight into her almost black eyes, then she smiled sideways._ _Her arrogant smile, when she knows she has control over me._ _So alluring, to me, it was. "There they are, those darker blue eyes." Her voice was choked and whispered._ _"You're almost there, aren't you?" I just nodded with great effort to keep my hooded eyes on her._ _"Good, because you will not come until I say it."_

"Look at me, Calliope." Her eyes snapped open at me instantly and I smiled because of it, I liked having some control over her, who doesn't? Her panting breathing, her brown eyes on the edge beyond the darkness turned me in, then I said, remembering her own words. "You're almost there, aren't you, Calliope?" She nodded, pleading with her eyes, she wanted to come and I wanted her to do it because of me, but ... "Alright, but you'll come when I say so."

_**Early that day ...**_

"Hey, I'm surprised you're here." She approached saying and although I must admit, I could hear the surprise in her words, they were also hard to believe.

"Seriously? Are you really that surprised?" I was surprised myself as I heard the question roll out from my lips, strangely I felt angry. "I mean, this is your hotel anyway, and what are the odds of you showing up the same day I'm here?" My question was accusatory.

She laughed briefly before answering. It was her condescending laugh, I hated it. "What? Do you think I'm stalking you now?" She joked, pointing to herself.

I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrow. "I don't know, are you?"

This time her laughter deepened throwing her head back and her free hand to the stomach as if what I asked was the funniest joke. I decided to leave, I couldn't stand her mocking laugh anymore, as if seeing her again wasn't enough, now I had to endure seeing her laugh at me.

When she saw me leave, she leaned down and took my hand. The contact of her skin with mine made me stop in my tracks. "Arizona, no, I'm not stalking you." She practically whispered in my ear.

I removed my hand from her grip and a mixture of relief and longing remained in my body. I was already on the edge with all those memories and now feeling her body close to mine was not working for me very well. "So what are you doing here?" I did the best I could to control my emotions and crossed my arms again.

Her gaze was calm, serene, almost relieved as she answered, "I'm practically living here." I wanted to ask why, but it wasn't necessary. "While I deal with my divorce." And just like that, as an involuntary act of my body, my arms fell on my sides.

_Since that night when I finally put aside my rules to be with her intimately, we haven't stopped looking for ways, moments and places to connect in that way, it seemed as if we couldn't keep our hands out of each other, it felt like something was released in each of us __were_ _neither of us was_ _afraid_ _of what the other might think, no longer afraid_ to _touch one another, she stopped asking and I from answering the_ _same_ _question_ _as before ... Can I kiss you?_ _Can I touch you?_ _Can I hold your hand?_ _Can I touch your skin?_ _Can I put my hand here or there?_ _Everything felt different, but natural and it was not only about the sex, no, it was something else, we were in a relationship._

_One of those where you go out with your partner, have fun outside and then come home with a stupid smile on your face, one of those where you can lie on the couch together all Sunday afternoon eating junk food while watching superhero movies accompanied by kisses and touches from time to time, one of those in which you feel comfortable with the other person and they as well with you, one of those where the little moments and details ... the text messages, the short and spontaneous calls, the kisses on the cheeks, kisses on the neck, the waist holding, the hand holding, the hugs, the pictures in the parks, the ongoing conversations and many other small details like that ... it feel easy, natural and ordinary, but oh so exciting._

_You guys don't know what it was like, but while write this I hope that you get the idea into your heads._ _I wanted to see her all the time, I thought about her all the time and although I must admit that everything happened in a short time, really, I didn't care._ _At that moment, when she was with me, on her sofa, in mine, in the park, in a restaurant, on the shore of a lake, in Cartagena, in her bed or in mine;_ _in that moment where she was on me pleasing me, whispering and screaming her name in pleasure, in that moment when I touched her and kissed her and made her come, making her whisper and scream my name in pleasure ... At that moment she was mine and of no one else's, she was there with me and nowhere else, I had her at my mercy and she had me at hers._

_She._ _Was._ _Mine._

_And I was hers._

_She kept pushing, thrusting slowly and then faster and repeated this every time she felt I was_ _getting to my orgasm, I wanted to free myself but she wouldn't let me, I wanted her to let me and I remember begging her to stop this torture oh many times._ _"Callieee ... Please, please, please..." I gasped, struggling to keep my orgasm at bay while keeping my eyes open at the same time._ _"Oh God!_ _Callieeeee!" Her hands seemed to be everywhere just like her mouth._ _"You have to let me… let me come… please!_ _Callieee ..." I said in a choked cry._

_She looked up and smiled at my frustration, "You want to come?_ _Mmmm?_ _Tell me!" She kept asking, never stopping her ministrations._

_I nodded repeatedly, "Yes, I want_ _you to make me come… so badly, please!" I took her face in my hands, pleading with my gaze, then I felt one of her hands sneak to my core, her thumb began to rub my clit and I didn't know what else to do with my body._ _"Then come, Arizona, come for me, baby, just give in." My eyes closed on her words, she kissed me on the mouth, chin and neck while thrusting and touching until I finally came really, really hard against the toy buried inside of me… Because of Her._

_The explosion of pleasurable sensations that burst through my body was inexplicable, I didn't hear anything else, I saw nothing, my mind was blank, I just felt, I felt her mouth pressed against my neck, her free hand pulling my hair while she came with me, the tension of her back, her hot and sweaty skin, her hair on my cheek and her panting breathing over my own skin that left goose bumps in its wake._ _All I felt was her ... She did this to me, pure ecstasy ..._

_When I regained my senses again, she was still smiling at me, but without a hint of arrogance and more of satisfaction and happiness, she gave me a deep kiss on the lips, her hand_ _caressing my cheek._ _"That was so mean, torturing me like that." I said whispering on her lips, she kissed me again._ _"But I don't want to ever stop." I confessed to her._

_Her gaze was indecipherable, but gentle._ _"It doesn't have to."_

_"Arizona?"_

"Arizona?" I returned to the present time hearing the insistence in her voice. "Where did you go just right now?" She asked with a frown.

I shook my head trying to keep those memories in the back of my head, but it was impossible, her previous words sent me to the exact moment where our relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me. "Uhh nowhere." I answered doubtfully and she noticed it immediately.

"Look, do you want to sit down? There are some tends over there by the ocean view, I think we should have a conversation." When I didn't say anything, she continued. "There are so many things I want to tell you, Arizona." She insisted. "It's just a conversation, preferably one where neither of us ends up crying or screaming in front of strangers and then if you don't want to know anything about me ..." Her abrupt silence made me look her in the eyes and I saw fear, an emotion or feeling strange to be related in any capacity with such an imposing and demanding woman. "I will respect your decision." She finished.

I wanted so bad, to say no, that it was not a good idea, that if I did I was afraid I would fall under her spell all over again and I had struggled so hard to move forward with a life that didn't involve Callie Torres, but, even so, despite all that and against my better judgment I answered, "Okay." And not only that, but, "Not here, though, let's go to your room, I don't feel comfortable having such an intimate conversation with people around us." Something inside of me told me I will be regretting this decision later.

**Presented time…**

I don't know how this happened exactly, I really don't. One moment we were talking and the next we were fucking each other's brains out.

She was still moaning and panting my name, her voice cutting through, she wasn't used to let me take control, but today she was willing, she gave it to me, so I took full advantage of this change of scenery. "Can you… please ..." She started to say.

"Can I, please, what?" I knew what she wanted, but I wanted her to say it. "What do you want, Calliope?" I asked demanding, her hands still in my grip, I pressed on her clit again, a tumultuous groan leaving her lips before of the feeling.

"Please ... Arizonaaaa!" She pleaded again. "Please, please, please ... let me, let me ..." She was panting and with each buckling of her hips and face full of frustration, I understood why she enjoyed having the control all the time ... it was empowering, taking everything and leave her with nothing.

I liked it, for the first time, she was giving me everything. "All you have to do is give in, Calliope, surrender to me." I whispered on her swollen lips looking straight into her eyes and the most silent of the answers left her mouth, I heard her say ... I give in ... as soon as those words left her lips, I released her hands, my lips went to hers, my hands to her soft wavy black hair while hers went directly to my ass.

I could feel her nails digging into my buttocks as she pressed hard on our overly sensitive cores. I put my face on her sweaty neck and bit her hard when an orgasm shattered right inside of me and she whispered my name in my ear, I could feel the tension in her body below mine, I could feel her heartbeat in my chest and harsh breathing due to the lack of oxygen. Her body was tense, sweaty and heat coming right up her skin, just like mine was.

When we both return to what I consider an alert state after such pleasurable sensations, as when calm comes after the storm, I raised my face when she began to caress my hair on her chest, I looked at her looking for answers to questions that I hadn't even asked out loud and she looked at me back and as usual, her gaze was unreadable, she was an expert hiding way too well her emotions and feelings, but even then, I managed to see something there, something I don't know how to name, but it was there and it was overwhelming.

"This has to stop."

"I love you."

We both said in unison

I guess the storm is not over and the calm is not ready to come yet.

* * *

Have a good day

All mistakes are mine


	16. Chapter 15

**Just so you know, I don't make the changes between memories, flashbacks or even points of view because that's the way I want it, it's not a mistakes is just the way I want the story to be read**

** Hope you like it!**

* * *

**Because of Her**

**Chapter 15**

I imagine that not many of you are very happy with my lack of clarity on the latest events, but honestly, I don't even know how to talk about it without seeming to be perpetually confused.

_Did I listen well? Is she telling me those three words...to me? _

Everyone always tries to make a big deal out of those words and the weight they carry on, to me, even if it's nice to hear them or say them, I don't think it's such a big deal. It's almost like when people talk about virginity and the proper way for you to lose it, nobody ever tells you the truth about the matter, instead they sweeten what is one of the most painful moments of your adolescence, if you had that luck or in my case, in adulthood, when I was in college.

Whoever you ask would said that it is a beautiful moment that you will want to remember with joy, that it is about connecting with the other person, that it has to be special and authentic in a magical and memorable place ... _bullshit_… nobody ever tells you how much it hurts to feel a part of another person's body entering such an intimate small place of yourself and the paralyzing fear that you will for sure feel when that happens, nobody warns you about the unknown feeling you have when the other person is on you suffocating you with their body and how, despite the fact that you enjoy caresses and kisses, you still feel fear, fear that you won't like it, that you won't feel anything, that you won't make your partner feel anything either, fear that it hurts, fear that the next day you regret it and when it finally happens and you try to feel pleasure and joy, what you actually feel is a sharp pain that makes you shut your eyes and pray to whoever god you pray to hurry and end everything. Nobody ever tells you that you will not feel pleasure, that it is a lie that you reach orgasm the first time ... what pleasure you would you feel with such pain between your legs? ... Nobody warns you about it, instead they lie and put this illusion into your head and that is exactly what happens when people talk about love.

People lie to you about love all the time and the importance of saying those simple words, poets often will say that the use of those simple words carries a greater weight and meaning, but when you grow up you realize that what they tell you in movies and books it's only fiction.

I'm not saying that we are unable to love, on the contrary, I think we love a lot, but we live out of expectations as if it limited to our own lives, our stories are different, our personalities are different and so our experience with love will be too, especially if we just believe in words and not in the facts.

I knew she felt things for me ... attraction, desire, appreciation, admiration perhaps ... those are some that come to my mind.

But nothing that she and I had been through in the past few months indicated to me that she could feel love for me. I love her, I knew that I love her, I love her stubbornness, her kindness, her beauty, her humility and simplicity in her thinking, her need to watch all the superhero movies and then compare and rank them by powers, her human quality, her dark humor, the way she likes coffee - _two sugar, three of powdered milk and a quarter of instant coffee_ \- the way her hand wraps mine or how she says my name, how soft her lips are against mine and the way her smile lights her face - _just thinking of that smile puts one on mine_ \- even her need to hold onto control, even when I hate it most, I love her.

I know I love her, but I don't know whether to believe she loves me, just because she says those three vague words. Words mean nothing, facts do… _I don't know, maybe she did it in her own way, but I'm not sure that's the way I want to be loved._

But, let's talk about that later, would you like me to finally tell you about our conversation? How did we get to this precarious situation? Why not let her tell you that part, I imagine she deserves to tell her part of the story without intermediaries.

_She_ told me to write this to you, I don't even know who you are or why she writes to you, but I'm no one to judge how people talk about their feelings or emotions, but she asked if I could and I couldn't say no, so here goes everything.

My name is Callie, as you will know and I'm in love...

She and I went up to my hotel room and while we were standing in the elevator waiting to reach my floor, I just wanted to stretch my hand and touch her hair. She was in front of me, her hair was blonder than I remembered, to be honest, her face was slowly fading into my memory, but her smile, often flushed cheeks and dimples on either side of her face made me remember her essence, her scent, who she was. Bad memory, my therapist said when I was a child, when I was in rehabilitation for over three years due to a mild cerebral sequela - _I fell from a tree hitting the side of my head affecting my language and memory_ \- only bad memory my therapist used to said, I mean, the faces made it much harder to keep them in my memory over short periods of time and I desperately wanted not to forget her ... Hers is beautiful.

So I took precautions, when we started to have intimacy, one day while we were in bed, I just took my phone and took a picture of her magical and perfect face, she was mortified, something about messy hair and no makeup on, I just I laughed at her, kissed her noise and told her that at that exact moment she was beautiful to me and just wanted to keep the memory.

_It was when I knew that I loved her._

She was important enough not to want to forget her face and everything about her, so I made it my priority to kind of document her beautiful face whenever I could, with every photo I took, there was a memory to keep and with them a growing love almost against my will.

"Is this it?" She turned around pointing outside the elevator.

I nodded and replied, "Yes, room 502." She let me lead the way; we walked into the room and I noticed the surprise on her face. "Isn't what you were expecting?" I couldn't help asking with a chuckle.

She lowered her head almost ashamed, "It's just that I'm not used to the idea of a standard room for you, I mean, this is so different from Seattle." She said sticking her hands in her coat pockets, she was nervous or so I thought... _I used to be very good at reading people, now I don't know anymore._

"Well, Seattle was not just a room, it was a place to live." I responded quickly. "Here, I'm like on a forced vacation, nobody knows that I'm here, except my lawyer, of course." I said leaving my phone on the bedside table. She was right, that was a regular room, king bed, ocean view, TV and a minibar.

"Your lawyer." Her questioning look took me by surprise, I didn't know what to think of that look she gave me _... I used to read her so easily, I guess no more_. "Nicolas, you mean." Oh that was when I understood.

"Yes, Nicolas, is that a problem?" I asked raising my eyebrow, not in an accusatory manner, just curious.

"No, not at all, he's a great man, as you said." Her words made me frown, somehow I didn't understand the meaning behind her words. Before I could ask for more, she said to me. "So you're getting divorced, is that true or just a trick?"

I tilted my head almost surprised with this level of sassiness from her. "I would never trick you, Arizona." I replied with a half-sided smile. "Yes, I'm getting divorced as I told you before."

"Is that why you hide in your own hotel in Los Angeles?" I like this sassy version of her. She raised her eyebrow almost defying my answer. "Are you that scared of your wife?"

I let out a laugh, I couldn't help myself, fear was the least I felt for Sara. "First of all, I'm not scared of her, second, I'm not hiding, I just want my privacy secured and third... she is not my wife anymore."

"You just said you're getting divorced, which means she is still your wife -"

"There's only signing the papers left to do and I will be a free woman to do what I please." I responded quickly.

She took off her light coat placing it on the bed, "I'm sure you will."

"I didn't mean it like that, Arizona." I felt like she accused me of something and I didn't like it. I sat on the edge of the bed while she took a wooden chair and sat in front of me, leg on the other and arms on the chest, if that does not show defensive attitude, I don't know what it does.

"I do not care what you do or who you do, Callie."

"Clearly." I shot back quickly.

"You have no control over me, Callie." She practically shouted, letting her arms out in air in despair ... what a way to prove a point. I just smiled. "Why are you getting divorced? I thought you had the perfect relationship." She asked after several seconds of silence.

"No relationship is perfect." I replied, "But, my relationship with Sara wasn't working anymore, so it was time to end it, except now she doesn't want to end it, she doesn't want to sign the divorce papers."

"Maybe it's because there is still love there."

I laughed at her words, "Believe me, this is not because of love." I said bitterly. "She wants my money." The surprise in her gaze tells me that she didn't expect to hear that. "She wants half of my hotels… especially the hotel in Cartagena." I looked at her sideways, not wanting to expose more.

"And you don't want to give it to her." It wasn't a question, it was a fact.

"Of course not, these hotels and everything I have, I have it by my own effort, I work hard to get them, they are my legacy, which cost me so much to get even when everyone in my family turned their backs on me. Giving up my work is like giving up myself, she is just bitter and resentful because I wouldn't give her what she wanted." I began to get angry just thinking about her audacity.

"Which was what?"

I took a deep breath before answering, "A baby." Her face softened while uncrossing her legs ... _she was really listening now, that was my chance_. "When we first met, she was this compound person, full of virtues, beautiful of course, but also ambitious; she didn't take no for answers and she liked a good challenge too." I explained calmly. "I was her challenge." I said without looking in her direction, I was then in my memories, where Sara's face became increasingly blurred. "She was also kind, funny, gracious with principles and a good heart. She was the kind of woman you take to meet your parents and that I did, my parents didn't like her for the simple fact that she was a woman, they still believed that I should be with someone like Nicolas, even Aria hated her and I didn't know why, but I persisted and made her my wife, against all of them. "

"How did all that take you to where you are now?" Arizona urged for answers to her questions, I know for a fact that she has many and I intend to give them to her.

"I had to convince her, you know? The marriage thing, she didn't want it, she said that without the blessing of my family, our marriage was doomed to fail, I convinced her and she agreed or so I thought." I smiled bitterly again, "She wanted to make me believe it was a risk that I have to make, something that appealed me to her, you know, like what you can't have you want it even more, I stopped being her challenge and she became mine." Arizona listened intently without interrupting me. "After the wedding, my only purpose was to give her what she wanted, always, _I loved her_…" I ponder her reaction to my words and I could see the discomfort in her body language.

After a few moments of silence, she finally spoke again. "So you just fell into this open marriage thing to make her happy?"

"Yeah, basically, she just had to name it and I would get it for her, whatever she wanted, I gave up things like my relationship with my sister, it cost me my remaining relationship with my parents, even Nicolas for a while there and the idea…" It was hard for me to say.

"The idea of what?" She pressed for an answer.

"The idea of having a family." I finally completed my sentence and my eyes filled with tears instantly. "She didn't want to have children, but I wanted them since I was a child, I resigned myself to the prospect of a childless life if it meant I'd be with her." How stupid was I to accept those terms? "Then the open marriage came along, at first everything was new and uncomfortable and I didn't feel at ease, I felt like I was cheating on her, until eventually the feeling of guilt disappeared, I traveled so much that I spent more time with strangers and other people than her, who was my wife, while she did the same still in Miami."

"Callie, I am very sorry that this happened with your relationship, because of the way you speak I know you really loved her." And there she was, always compassionate and understanding… _more of the many aspects I love about her._

"I don't fall in love easily… I'm not kidding." I giggled at her eye roll; it was such a cliché sentence. "It's hard for me to connect with people on a level where I feel comfortable enough to trust them and just be myself." I tried to explain. "That didn't happen with you."

"So now you're going to tell me that with me you felt an instant connection that led you to trust me enough to be who you really are without fear of being harmed or heartbroken?" She asked skepticism in her voice.

I laughed loudly, "What do you think this is, a rom-com movie?" She raised her eyebrow at my question. "No, of course that didn't happen, trust is earned over time, you were just a beautiful women in a bar who kept undressing me with her eyes from the distance."

"I was not!" She shouted out offended, but with a wide smile on her lips… there were her dimples again, just as I remember them from my photographs.

"You totally were, there is no shame in it, I know I'm hot and by the way I was doing the exact same thing and you know it." I said with confidence.

"Well, that I have no doubt of." We laugh at her response.

When the laughter died down, I continued, "I learned how to read you, your behavior, your answers were almost automatic for me, there was no question that you would answered that I didn't know the possible respond for. I knew what buttons to press to get a reaction from you, I knew how to read your body language, when to move forward, when to stop and when to do it cautiously. I studied you, your reflexes, your features, your mannerisms, your nonverbal responses… Everything." I felt her gaze burn on my cheek, I felt the anger towards me. "I did all that until I knew I could trust you."

"So you manipulated me all that time?" I turned my gaze to her and her eyes shone with a mixture of pain, frustration and rage.

"Yes, to a certain extent I did, until I felt it wasn't necessary." I got up and walked towards the balcony of my room, her eyes still on me.

"And when was that exactly?" She asked from her place in the chair in front of the bed.

"Honestly, I don't know ... probably back to Cartagena." I said thoughtfully. "Nothing was the same after Cartagena." I commented quietly, but I'm sure she heard. "The ironic part of all this is that apparently I have been trusting the wrong person all this time."

"What do you mean?"

"A few months ago, when Sara find out I had taken you with me to Cartagena, she got mad, crazy mad, I have never taken her to Cartagena, she doesn't even know the hotel, I don't know why, she just has never gone there and she has never been to the city before, so she got angry and accused me of wanting to leave her for one of my 'lovers', I told her several times that would never happen but she kept pushing." I walked back to the edge of the bed and sat in front to Arizona again. "Then she started talking about babies, I ignored her comments and spent more time with you back in Seattle and that bothered her even more." I lowered my head almost in shame while feeling Arizona's body leaning to mine.

"I really want to know what happened and what is currently happening now, but if you don't feel comfortable talking about it, that's fine too, Calliope."

I let out a light giggle, "I feel comfortable talking with you about anything." I said staring into her blue eyes. "Anyway, when she told me about the baby and I said no, she got angry again and asked me if it was because of you that I didn't want what I always asked for, but I didn't fight to have with her anymore, I told her the true and said yes. " The surprise on her face was hard to ignore… I remember wondering if she really had no clue what my feelings were towards her.

"Why would you say something like that?" It was all she could manage to ask.

"Because it's the truth." I replied lightly, downplaying my words on purpose.

"Callie -"

"She got furious, lost control even more when I asked for a divorce and then said she wouldn't give it to me, that if I really wanted a divorce I would have to give her half and beyond of everything that I have, she sounded so sure of herself, then she showed me a document signed by me, where I supposedly promised to never be unfaithful, if I did, she would keep half of my hotels, my money and everything I have worked so hard for."

"That's why she suggested the open marriage, didn't she?"

I nodded... _how could I be so stupid_. "Yes, apparently, she has been planning this from the beginning and everyone saw it, except for me and now she not only wants to keep what is mine, she wants to hurt me, that's why she wants the Hotel in Cartagena."

"Why is that exactly?" She asked and I could see the concern in her eyes, she was leaned towards me, close enough for me to see the freckles in her nose… _Dios, I love her_.

"Because of you."

* * *

**Part 2 coming real soon**

**All mistakes are mine by the way**


	17. Autor's Note

Hey guys

Sorry I couldn't keep my word on a quick and sooner update. My computer has been damaged since Friday night and I still haven't been able to repair it, I send this message from work, which is not allowed, as you can assume, however I have people working on my computer and I hope that all my files and documents can survive because, literally, all my life is on that device.

As soon as I can I will give you the next chapter, I hope you understand and be patient.

Love, JeseeD


	18. Chapter 16

**Because of Her**

**Chapter 16**

_**Previously on Because of Her...**_

_I__raised my face when she__began to caress my hair on her chest, I looked at her looking for answers to questions that I hadn't even asked out loud and she looked at me back and as usual, her gaze was unreadable, she was an expert hiding way too well her emotions and feelings, but__even then, I managed__ to __see something there, something I don't know how__ to __name, but it was there and it was overwhelming._

_"This has to stop."_

_"I love you."_

_We both said in unison_

_But even before that even happened..._ _Callie was telling her side of the story_

"_She got furious, lost control even more when I asked for a divorce and then said she wouldn't give it to me, that if I really wanted a divorce I would have to give her half and beyond of everything that I have, she sounded so sure of herself, then she showed me a document signed by me, where I supposedly promised to never be unfaithful, if I did, she would keep half of my hotels, my money and everything I have worked so hard for."_

_"That's why she suggested the open marriage, didn't she?"_

_I nodded... __how could I be so stupid?__ "Yes, apparently, she has been planning this from the beginning and everyone saw it, except for me and now she not only wants to keep what is mine, she wants to hurt me, that's why she wants the Hotel in Cartagena."_

_"Why is that exactly?" She asked and I could see the concern in her eyes, she was leaned towards me, close enough for me to see the freckles in her nose… __Dios, I love her__. _

_"Because of you."_

* * *

_**At present**_

While I sit here, reminiscing the events of that particular afternoon, I realize how time passes by in front of my eyes without me being able to do anything about it. One of my best friends is here in the city, marrying the love of her life and while I feel very happy to see her being happy, fulfilling her dreams, I feel envious of her.

I know, that doesn't sound very good coming from the maid of honor, but bare with me, every bride, has a bridesmaid who hates weddings or just hates the idea of being close to so much cheesyness and romanticism and happiness. Especially when your heart is still in long repair.

Hence mine right now.

I will be honest with you, _my faithful readers_... I never thought that seeing one of my dearest friends getting married could bring as much yearning and despair as I feel right now. A feeling of suffocating, as if I was drowning in an infinite sea of uncertainty, of the possibilities that were not possible, or the plans that faded out in thin air.

Of the love I had, but that was never really mine.

It hurts.

It hurts so very much.

But I'm working on it, it's just that a wedding, may I say it's not the best environment to work on it.

I drank out of my white wine while I'm in the back, admiring the face of a woman in love, who I hope never has to experience this kind of heartbreak.

Something I cannot understand is why is this costing me so much? Why is it different from all the other times I was in love before? Wasn't I in love those other times? Even when I still don't have an accurate and sure answer to those questions, I can conclude that the common denominator in all equations is always the same... _She._

She makes a difference... she made - I'm sorry, I still have a hard time getting to accept the idea that she is in the past, no matter how much time has passed since that afternoon in her hotel, in her room, in her bed, after that conversation.

"Daydreaming again?" The deep voice coming from behind me took me by surprise, I looked then to my left and I could not believe what I saw. "Hello, there." The smile was so dazzling and pleasant; I couldn't help smiling back in surprise. Those beautiful eyes, that strong and outlined chin, that smile, could not be others than...

"Nicolas?" I said with a giggle and like the first time I saw him in person, his gaze, his bearing, in general his entire aura, had me hooked, I simply couldn't look away. I felt my cheeks warm up the more I looked at him, but I couldn't help it. "What are you doing here?" I felt my legs shake and my skin bristled when he leaned a little closer to talk above the background music.

"Breathe." He whispered and I closed my eyes instinctively.

What the hell is going on again? This really had never happened to me with a man. Don't misunderstand me, I have met attractive, interesting men, I have even considered them sexy and hot, but this is something else, another level and I am not afraid of it, on the contrary, I like it.

"You're too hot for your own good." I said unconsciously after a few seconds and when I opened my eyes, he had an almost shy smile on his face. Shy, it is not an adjective with which I once thought of describing this man. "What? Aren't you used to hearing women giving you that kind of compliment? Am I making you feel uncomfortable?" I asked honestly but the sly smile didn't leave my lips.

He looked down and smiled too, before giving a short chuckle. "You are not the first woman to tell me something like that indeed. I must say I feel flattered that you think I am attractive. You're not bad at all yourself either." We laugh together at his words. "Although, I must also admit, that under other circumstances, this conversation would go differently." He said his hands in the pockets of his classic black pants.

I let out a surprised laugh, because obviously he knows he would be barking at the wrong tree. "What other circumstances?" I had to ask, I was curious to hear his response.

His gaze shone, his smile widened, he was beaming, he looked down again and chuckled. I narrowed my eyes at his mannerism. "I'm in love." It was his simple response and although in my head her face appeared instantly when he said those words, I couldn't help my smile, feeling almost proud to hear him speak like that.

"Well, being in love suits you very well." I murmured before finishing my forgotten wine.

"Are you still?" He asked back, I knew immediately what he meant, so it was hard for me to look at him this time.

But when I finally did it, sincerity was my weapon of choice, "Like the first day."

He looked at me carefully, not with suspicion or malice, intrigue or distrust. He just looked at me and without flinching, he replied, "I know you do." He looked away as if he knew I needed the breath of his intense gaze. "But, you know you can do something about it, what I can't understand is, why don't you do it? Why torture yourself this way? It's so unnecessary. " He said as he watched the happy couple dance on the dance floor for the first time as a married couple.

I looked at his profile, I could only guess what was going through his mind while admiring the scene in front of his eyes. "I promised myself that I would not marry again or even think about getting married again and here I am, imagining that day again, in what I hope and I am sure, will be the last time."

"What are you doing here, Nicolas?" I asked again, this time urging a response from him.

He turned his whole body toward me before answering, "Business trip." He said with a shrug. "The usual." He looked at the happy newly married couple one last time. "I heard there's been a wedding celebration going on and I wanted to see." He said looking at me this time. "Weddings are beautiful."

"Yes, they are." We share a look and a knowing smile. I wanted to ask, but in the end I didn't do it and that's when I realized that I was moving in the right direction. The direction in which, she would only be a memory.

"Well, I have to go back." He said. "It was really a nice to see you again, Arizona." He leaned down giving me a brief kiss, his lips soft and cold against my cheek, I could feel the short hair of his growing beard tickling my skin.

"It was nice to see you too." I told him, as it was my turn to be shy, feeling his closeness, his manly perfume, the roundness of his shoulders and the softness of the fabric of his coat.

When he finally walked away and left me standing there, I looked at my friend, dancing with her love, listening to how the melody of Cinnamon Girl by Lana Del Rey was intertwined with my memories. My vision clouded and the lump in my throat was hard to hold, I had to sit in the nearest chair, so many memories crashing into my chest once more, all at the same time.

The feeling was like when you try to describe a panic attack, the feeling that there is no way out, there is no solution, you are trapped and you cannot do anything and you feel that the walls around you getting closer and closer to you, taking out the little air you have left, you feel like drowning, in agony, in helplessness because you want it to stop but the more you want it to stop, the more thoughts flood through your mind to upset, discomfort or confuse you.

I feel that at the thought of her, bringing many memories to life, the memory of her face when she asked and I said ... No.

That afternoon.

In her bedroom.

In her bed.

_Because of her_

_Because of..._

_Her_

* * *

_"I love you."_

I could not believe her. That would only make things worse, she must had been lying, manipulating me as she has been doing since we met. She was lying.

Because if I were to believe in her words, I would have to change my way of thinking and I was not willing to.

I was not willing to keep putting my feelings on the line.

My illusions.

My dignity

My heart.

I couldn't be there anymore. I got out of bed, frantically looking for my clothes and shoes, while she tried to talk me out of that idea.

Run or fight.

"I realize that that was not the best way to tell you how I feel," She began by saying, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that she also got out of bed and began to dress as well. "But it's just that, how I feel and although I know it's not what you want to hear right now because of the circumstances, I can't help saying it, so I act selfishly, because it's the truth. I love you, Arizona." She said in a heartbeat, I couldn't even look her in the eye. "I do!" She practically shouted hidden in a jovial laugh. Happiness, I could interpret. "Oh Dios, I can't believe I've been keeping this for so long, because it feels so good, I can finally say it out loud." I finally looked at her, her eyes were closed, her smile ear to ear. "God, I'm in love. I do love you." She said again. "I love you." Again. "I love you, Arizona." And again, this time she told me looking straight into my eyes and I felt the intensity of her gaze like the first time in that bar.

"You have to stop." I said in a murmur… _I remember feeling almost paralyzed with fear._

"Why?" She asked trying to get close, but my hand found her chest to stop her. "It's the truth, no matter what, you know it's true. The way we made love just a few minutes ago, you know it was different. You know it's true. "

"Stop, please." I couldn't believe her.

Not because I thought those three words were the big deal, but because accepting that she was being honest with me, would once again open the possibility that she was going to be finally mine and mine alone and she wasn't.

Actually, she never was.

So I could not believe her.

Not now.

And certainly not before, when she told me what happened with her wife when she heard about us.

_**Hours before…**_

_I guess I should finish that pending conversation, should I?_

"While I can sympathize with everything that has happened and the things you've discovered about Sara, Callie, you can't wait for me to believe all this you're telling me now." She told me walking in the room, ran her hands through her blond hair and although I could hear despair in her tone, I couldn't stop thinking about the beauty of her exposed face.

"But it is the truth. Because of you, all these things are happening." I reiterated again. "But Arizona, I want to be clear on that what I'm doing isn't for you, it is for me." She stopped on her tracks at my words. "I'm not divorcing just to win you back so we can flee into the horizon and be happy forever, again, this is not a rom-com movie."

She continued in silence and I nodded, remembering that honesty is the best policy. "I am getting divorced because, thanks to you, I could really see what it is to have a real relationship, without outrages, without judgments, full of laughter and walks to the park, kisses and hugs, where there is understanding and respect and not coercion and threats. Those are the things I want for myself and the person who decides to share their life with me." I got up and walked towards her, "Although it would be a nice bonus to know that it's you who wants to share all those things with me." I shrugged. Once I was face to face with her.

I could almost hear the wheels turning inside her head, trying to interpret and understand my words.

"So you want me, but you don't _want_ me? That's what you try to tell me." She crossed her arms.

I laughed, took her hands in mine before speaking again. "I want you to be with me because that's what you really want, not because you feel obligated after telling you about my relationship with Sara and how things are now. That's why I tell you, that although what I am doing I do it thanks to you, it is not for you, instead it is for me, but I don't want you to feel that you have to be with me-"

"All right then. Because I don't want to." She said softly and although I felt my heart sink in my chest, I still stood there firm in my ideal.

"You don't?" I couldn't contain myself and ask, because even if it hurt as much as it hurts today, if she, in fact, didn't want anything to do with me anymore, I would step aside and let her go.

Because, I know her pain.

Pain, that I infringed.

With my question in the air, she turned her back to me, I understood the need to find space for herself and her own thoughts, but I have to admit that feeling her leave my personal space hurt more than I imagined.

Then I watched her golden hair and felt fear. Fear cracking into my being at imagining a life where all I would remember about her would be her blond hair and all the things we lived, but her face would be absent and the thought of it just paralyzed me. My eyes filled with tears, my skin crawled, I felt a lump in my throat making me drown if it wanted to, my cheeks were warm and my mouth dry.

Is that how does it feels? Love? Or the thought of losing it? Whatever it was, the feeling of overwhelm was immeasurable. "Arizona…" I whispered scared, like a little child and I remember never feeling so small before in my life, not even when my parents turned their backs on me.

My mind was going so fast that I almost didn't notice when she suddenly turned around and approached me, her lips on mine instantly, it took me a few seconds to realize what was happening but when I did, I responded with the same fervor she had while kissing and undressing me at the same time. She was actually finally kissing me, willingly.

When her hands reached my pants, my eyes widened almost instinctively. "Wait, wait, wait ..." I repeated several times, while she put her lips on my neck. I looked for her face, with my hands on her cheeks and looked into her eyes. "Arizona, wait..." I said again, as I searched for an answer to my question yet not asked, but she just looked at me, with an indecipherable look.

"I'm tired of waiting." She finally replied, taking me to the bed. We fell on the mattress, she on top of me and I remember her determined look, full of passion and certainty, but there was also something there that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't read. Was it regret? Guilt? Quickly everything that went through my mind at that moment was forgotten when I felt the hands all over my body and her lips on my neck again.

Whatever it was, today I understand that that look was what ended in the answer to my question then verbalized, but ... That part of the story must be told by her.

After all, all this is Because of Her.}

* * *

_**The moment of truth.**_

"You are so determined not to believe in my words that you reject the possibility of us finally together." Callie told me and she was right, but my reasons were still reasons and I knew I should leave that room before I give up to her again, so that we wouldn't continue in this vicious circle that only leaves pain and despair for both of us.

By then we were both dressed, facing each other, not knowing what to say, without knowing exactly what to do. We were in a stalemate.

But I only had one more thought ... I wanted to be out.

"I'm want out." I verbalized my thoughts.

She looked at me confused, frowning. "What?"

"I want to be out of the equation." I elaborated a little more. "All this, you and I, it was a mistake-"

"Don't say that." She interrupted me, looking away, letting me see how affected she was by my words.

"But it's the truth." I reiterated. "From the very beginning, we didn't stand a chance. We were doomed to not work out, to be a failure and we ignored it." I was on a roll, I wanted to let off steam and use reason, otherwise I wouldn't let myself walk away of that room. "I ignored it. To my head, when it repeatedly told me that I was making a mistake, that being with a married woman - regardless of the circumstances," I quickly clarified when I noticed her intention to protest. "That being with a married woman wouldn't bring me any good and I was right." My voice was sure, but inside a tumult of emotions began to break through and float.

I knew I was doing the right thing for her and for me. "Loving you has been the most beautiful and the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my life, Calliope." My voice finally cracked. I remember how her eyes crystallized with unshared tears. I would have to be heartless to not realize how much it hurt her hearing me to say it. She was suffering. "I am suffering." I confessed honestly.

She took a deep breath, staring at the ceiling, trying to contain herself, not wanting to be vulnerable, not now, not with me; but I don't think she could as much as she wanted, because I saw it, I saw it in her features, her posture, the tension of her chin, the stiffness of her shoulders. I saw it and it broke my heart to know that I was causing this ... this pain to her. "So I only caused you pain." Her voice, God her voice broke me, I remember my skin bristling with the throaty of her tone, deep and hoarse and at the same time minimal, soft, small. It was so contradictory that I could hardly contemplate it. "If that's what you want, then what was what we do a while ago, in that same bed?" She asked pointing to the still messy sheets of bed in which moments before we shared one of the most significant intimate encounters I've had with her.

"That won't happen again." I said curtly. I wanted to be strong to reach the end of this and yet she narrowed her eyes at me, it was how I knew she could still read me so well. She knew what I was feeling, because she was feeling it too. Desolation.

"So, a goodbye." It was more of a statement instead of a question.

I smiled sadly, as a light tear ran down my cheek. "A declaration of love." She scoffed at that ... 'bullshit' I thought I heard her whispers. " Callie, losing you, I couldn't stand it but loving you is worse, waiting for you in case one day it doesn't hurt anymore. That is not living, that is not love. I just want us to stop hurting each other."

"There is no reason for us not to be together, Arizona. Instead there are many others to be, I love you and I know that you feel the same way about me." She said pointing at me, her anger and frustration palpable in her tone.

"Unfortunately, this is not about love." I replied looking down.

"So what is it?" She almost screamed this time. I remember how she urged herself to remain calm just by the way she was breathing.

"The fact that you're still married, even if it's only on paper, the fact that I don't trust you, why would I? I'm just the woman on the side, the other woman, and just as you had me, you can also have others who replace my spot if we were to have a serious relationship." I responded quickly, verbalizing my doubts once more like my darkest thoughts.

"Arizona - " She tried to get a word in, I vividly remember her frown, shaking her head as she listened to me.

But I was not willing to shut up now, "The fact that this, this thing that you and I have, is not healthy, and the fact that we hurt ourselves on daily bases. The fact that it's straight out wrong and toxic!" I murmured in a gasp, surprising both of us at that painful admission.

I walked towards her with the last gram of strength that accompanied me, I took her hands in mine and looked into her eyes. "I love you, too." She let out a content sigh. "But we can't keep doing this." A tear finally slid down her cheek, she was no longer trying to hold it back and let me see a side of herself that I never thought I would see. I wiped her cheek with my fingers before leaning toward her, our foreheads joined. "I can't do this anymore." I emphasized my words ... _I swear to you that I could hear my heart just breaking inside_.

She cleared her throat, "So, now what? What do we do?" Her hands went to my hips trying to keep me close, I'm not going to lie, I didn't want to avoid her physical contact. That was part of the problem.

"Now we will continue on different paths, hoping that one day, this hurts a little less." The next thing I felt was her strong arms around my back and like that first time we hug, hence the day we met, I felt safe, cared for, warm, contained. I knew she was that to me, but still, going separate ways was the right thing to do.

"You are the one I love, I do, I do." She said with so such emotion that it made me hug her harder. "I don't think this feeling will ever go away. I love you." She whispered in my ear and her sweet words cringed inside me.

"I know I know. I love you too."

_That day, that conversation, that embrace, those words ... it have been the hardest thing I ever experienced and that decision the most difficult of all._

_Now she is a ghost._

_A ghost of what could have been but it could not. _

_Maybe one day ... Things will be different, were I can look back to these dark moments as a teaching lesion._

_That Love does not always conquer everything._

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**All mistakes are mine.**


	19. Chapter 17

**Last update of the year!**

**Enjoy…**

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**Because of Her**

**Chapter 17**

_So I knew, this was not the end, it was only the beginning of an epic story that was born in the midst of pain, uncertainty, anguish and agony, that now holds great things, better things to live._

_If may I tell you myself, I can surely say that, Because of Her, I lived in fullness again._

\- _Arizona Robbins_

Back at the wedding of one of my best friends, I think it's time to go. Those are happy moments, but I am tired for oh so many reasons. I'm about to get up and go home when someone sits next to me, saying...

"Weddings are overrated, don't you think?" The familiar voice takes me almost by surprise, but not so much. Since that conversation in the park months before, she and I have mysteriously gotten along a little better. At least we no longer insult each other every time we see each other and that is progress.

I laugh at her words, because part of me believes in what she says. "But they are beautiful." And the other part remains as romantic tied to traditions.

She shrugged and grunted comically. "If you say so, I think it's a silly way to remain stuck in consumerism. I could use that money to go on a trip for a long period of time and that would make me happy." I like her idea too; a vacation doesn't displease anyone, right?

"Well, that's your idea of happiness. To them," I said pointing to the happy couple. "Happiness is about sharing with their loved ones and that's fine too, Aria." I said calmly, a smile on my lips.

"I should date someone." Suddenly she said and I couldn't help laughing out loud, she clearly had had a glass to many of champagne, otherwise I doubt way too much that this is a topic she would like to talk to with me. So I just sat there and listen. "I was dating this guy, I liked him a lot, handsome, did have a good job and he comes from a good family. One day he just told me that I was 'too strong', can you believe it?" I couldn't answer anything, when she followed. "What the hell does that even mean?" This time she looked at me expectantly.

When I said nothing, she raised her eyebrow in anticipation of my response and I had to laugh again, before I answer. "Well, it means he did you a favor, a man unable to handle your strength, is a man who doesn't deserve to date you." I said honestly. "Never date someone who can't handle your power." I finished and she nodded her head in agreement.

We kept silent for a few seconds, she was still drinking from her champagne glass, which I hadn't even noticed until then, but what came out of her mouth after, definitely took me by surprise. "When are you going to get married?" She asked questioningly.

I narrowed my eyes at that, my heart strangely began to pound more strongly. "Why do you ask me that? What makes you think I'm going to get married?" I asked surprised with her and even more with myself at the urgency of my own voice.

"I thought that was what you wanted." She said calmly as if that answered my questions. The opposite happened, now I had some more.

"Why do you think that?" I frowned and looked directly at her looking for answers.

"Well, she's not married to that woman anymore, that's why I thought ..."

I interrupted her when I heard that. "Wait a minute, who is no longer married to who?" I had to confirm it.

Aria gave me one of her mocking laughs, which made me roll my eyes. "Oh come on, Arizona! Who do you think? My sister, Callie, she is no longer married. They signed the papers weeks ago. I thought you knew." She replied almost surprised with my question.

"Why would I have to know that, Aria? Your sister and I haven't talked for weeks now." I responded annoyed with her assumptions.

Now it was her turn to frown, "But I thought ..."

"You thought what?" I crossed my arms.

"But, wait, you were with her that day, how is it possible that you don't know?" She asks even more confused, just like me with this entire conversation.

"What are you talking about? What day?" Now in addition to confusion, I was intrigued to know what Aria Torres meant.

"Arizona, I'm talking about the day at the Hotel in Los Angeles, Sara was there too." My eyes widened at her words, my hands began to sweat and I could feel the wine glasses getting to my as the growing headache. I didn't say anything at the time; I just let her keep talking. "She found out that Callie was at the hotel and she said she saw you there, as you can imagine, she got angry and thought that my sister had got away with you to that hotel on the beach."

There I felt the need to intervene. "That is not true! I met Callie there by chance, without any intention."

"That was not what Sara said, Estupida mujer." She said that last part between her teeth and from her facial expression I can assume that they were not affectionate words. "Anyway, Sara called her lawyer and threatened to take all of Callie's hotels away, because now she did have proof of her cheating with another woman, you know, going on vacation to one of your own hotels with your mistress and everything. Her words, not mine, I'm sorry." Aria apologized when she surely saw my face of nonconformity when I heard how Sara was referring to me and my relationship with Calliope.

"Don't worry about it, just keep talking." I said quietly, but urging her to tell me everything, apparently I have missed way too many things since the last time I saw _her_.

"Callie was furious, because of the way Sara was referring to you, for showing up at her hotel and also for wanting to take her hotels, as you can imagine." I nodded and she continued. "What Sara didn't know was that my sister hired someone to follow her, that's how we found out that she had a clandestine relationship with a man Callie had never met, therefore, it was not within the terms of the open marriage thing, and the worst part is that Sara is pregnant, which proves above all, that Sara, being my sister's wife, was unfaithful and not only that, but she's going to have a child out of wedlock." Aria's words were blunt, I could almost hear the satisfaction while telling me what had happened.

"So Sara can't keep what is Callie's?" I asked while feeling the smile on my face. If anything else I was happy for her.

"Exactly! Callie had that information as a beam under her sleeve that she hoped to use days later when they met with the lawyers, but when Sara showed up at the hotel that afternoon, my sister couldn't stand it anymore and said everything. By night Callie's lawyers arrived in LA, including Nicolas and Sara had no choice but to sign the divorce papers accepting the terms that by law correspond to her after a certain period of time being married to my sister, which I still feel bitter about it, if it was up to me I would had let her in the street, but Callie insisted." She ended up saying, still a smile playing on her face.

I remained silent, almost without believing it. I must admit that when she told me she would divorce Sara, a part of me doubted her, because that is what every married person tells their lovers to keep them in line, but hearing that she really did it, leaves me stunned.

"So she really did it." I told no one in particular, as if saying it out loud would make it more real.

"I thought you knew." At her words I looked at her again. "When Nicolas told me that you were there, I thought you were there the whole time and that you were aware, I apologize, I shouldn't have assumed."

I pondered her words and with great pain in my soul, I replied, "Aria, your sister and I are not together." She nodded, understanding what I was saying. "Her marriage was one of the reasons why our relationship didn't work, obviously, but it was not all, although I have to admit that it is a relief to know that she is no longer tied to a person who caused so much harm to her heart, but even so, we are better off without each other."

She took my words into consideration before commenting on, "Well, for what It's worth, even if I hate you, I rather have you as a sister-in-law than that woman." I had to laugh to that, it sounds like something she would say for sure. She smiled at me and continued, "You know, Nicolas keeps talking about you, about the good person you are, I keep telling him that he doesn't know you like I do, but he insists." We laugh once more and I think this it's the first time we laugh together and not at each other. It was nice.

"Just so you know, Callie doesn't know that I know all this. She hasn't wanted to involve anyone in the family, I don't know if it's because she doesn't want to hear an _'I told you so'_ from my parents or if she just wanted to deal with everything alone." Aria commented a few minutes after the silence between us. "Nicolas had to tell me, he has kept me update with my sister's things, without betraying Callie's trust obviously, but he does let me know how she is, as you should know already, Callie is a very reserved and stubborn person, not willing to accept help from anyone, not even from her younger sister." We both smiled in her statement, because she was right in everything she said.

"Yes, I know how she is." It was all I could manage to say, my body and mind were agitated, I wanted to go home and sleep. I finally got up, ready to say goodbye to my current frenemy, when once again a question coming from her stopped me.

"What stops you now? What stops you from being with my sister now?" She asked standing too in front of me, I could see sincerity and curiosity in her eyes. She really just wanted to know.

"As I said before, her being married to Sara was just one of the reasons why our relationship didn't work out, but it's not the only one." I replied tiredly. "Don't get me wrong, Aria, but I really don't want to keep talking about your sister, I'm trying to move on." I tried to leave, but her next words stopped me again.

"She is here, you know." I turned to look at her, my eyes widened almost with fear, but at the same time with doubt. "I understand what you say, but I thought you should know." She paused, pondering my reaction. "She's here."

I looked at the floor, thinking about what to answer to that information, but really what am I supposed to say? "She's here with Nicolas, isn't she?" I found myself asking almost instinctively.

"Yes, they're here together, but not together - together. They went back to being just friends again." Aria tried to give me a reassuring smile, but I noticed her nervousness, almost as if she feared she had said something inappropriate. I think I like Aria much better with drinks on her system.

I smiled, "I know, Nicolas told me that he is in love and I am happy for him. He deserves it." I said rhetorically. "Have a good evening, Aria, see you on Monday at work." I finally made my farewell and left the hotel event place after saying goodbye to the bride and groom.

However, as soon as I left that room a feeling of anguish and yearning invaded my being, I looked in every corner as I made my way to the long entrance of the hotel and only had one thought. _Where is she?... _But I think I was terrified at the thought of meeting her again at the same time.

I kept walking, anyone who saw me would think that I was only walking quietly, because on the outside it gave the impression of a collected person, calm, at ease, just walking down the hall; but inside a tumult of emotions, thoughts and memories invaded my mind.

Then I found myself wanting to see her, just a glimpse of her and her beautiful face and that would be enough. I felt like at school all over again when I had my first crush and how nervous I felt just thinking about seeing the girl I liked in the middle of the halls.

I blinked out of that silly trance I was in, I convinced myself that seeing her again would be like stepping back in the little progress I had. I couldn't face her again, I wouldn't resist. I took the fastest exit, the elevator, I indicated the first floor and together with some other people we went down, I was at the bottom of the cubicle, trying to be invisible from everyone around me inexplicably, when the doors were closing I felt a relief, I really thought I had done it.

But ... Yes, there is a but.

When the elevator doors were about to close, someone reached into his hand avoiding complete closure, that was when I saw the reflection of silky black hair.

She entered the same elevator along with Nicolas, I could only see her profile and black hair, but that was all I needed to put my body on fire. My legs were shaking, my hands were sweating, my heart wanted to burst out of my chest, I bit my lower lip trying to control my agitated breathing, she smiled at something Nicolas said and her smile was as beautiful as I remembered. I could hear murmurs of people inside the elevator, but I didn't recognize anything they said, I was just focused on her.

My gaze was only on her. Her hair fell as waterfalls on her back, I found myself wanting to smell it, as well as the thickness of her lower lip, I wanted to take it in my mouth and bite it between my teeth, her long eyelashes that covered the brown of her eyes and I found myself wishing to get lost in them like that last time...

Then the elevator stopped on the 3rd floor, she left as she entered along with Nicolas and only until the doors closed, I could breathe again.

I saw her.

I saw her and although we didn't cross a word, I felt more than just pain when I saw her again. In fact I liked having that glimpse of her, even if I almost had a little panic attack in that elevator. But I liked the fact that nothing else happened, she was there, right in front of me and nothing happened and that was fine.

_**Months later...**_

After that day, I decided to take a well-deserved vacation to different places and above all, without hotels that had Calliope Torres as the owner. I felt the need to recharge, to reconnect with myself, to see new horizons, to meet different people, to see new faces.

During this time I allowed myself to give free rein to what had to happen with who had to happen, Aria was in charge of the Clinic in my absence, she was happy at the idea, my friend Jo, was in her newly married life and I was very happy for her happiness, however I considered that it was time for me to find my own happiness, without forcing things, letting everything flow.

In my reconnecting adventure with myself I met different people and characters with their life stories that deserve to be told to the world, I discovered more about myself than I had in several years, I learn about who I am and what I am willing to do to be in a relationship. I understood that being in a relationship does not define you as a woman or as a partner, but instead it seeks to complement a part of your being that is not incomplete, but rather seeks the feeling of being accompanied and supported, then I understood that if it was not under those conditions, then it was not worth it.

I returned to the States a few days ago, with a clear mentality, eager to work with the community and for the community vulnerable by a mental condition.

"My proposal is to take the clinic along and create the first Mental Health Hospital in this district, which would have an emergency service and 24 hours assistance for anyone who has the need regardless of their condition or difficulty, so we won't only depend on the nearby hospital, and the community will know that it can approach us directly to handle whatever it is happening since it is a psychiatric emergency, what do you think, gentlemen?" I asked the members of the Board of the clinic, my smile wide, full of confidence, unable to contain my emotion and enthusiasm for this new project.

"This project, which I would love to be able to develop hand in hand with this clinic that was always on my side, seeks to give people the services and assistance they deserve as we been doing, only more fully this time." I concluded by saying.

"I really like it, Dr. Robbins." Dr. Richard Webber was the first to comment.

"I can definitely see this happen, Dr. Robbins." Another board member commented too. The other members with smiles and heads nods let me know of their approval and enthusiasm with my idea, which swelled my chest with pride.

When I told the good news to my friend Jo and apparently to my also new friend Aria, both were happy and excited. "Tonight we are going to celebrate!" Jo let me know, without accepting a '_No'_ for an answer, either way, I felt that today had been a great day and every great day deserves a great celebration.

We walk into the bar, after dinner where I was the guest of honor, in addition to Aria and Jo, Amelia Shepard, Teddy Almant and Magguie Pierce also joined. We had a table in the background, I think we were the only scandalous people in the place and we didn't care, we were having fun and it was a long time since I enjoyed this so much.

But don't misunderstand me, in these months, although fun and reaffirming for me, it also gave me time to think about her in a way were her memory was no longer a painful one, I preferred to remember the good things with love and learn from the bad. Her ghost was gone, but her memory was very much still alive.

From time to time I find myself wanting to see her again, to feel her close, to know about her, where she is and what she is doing, other times I can spend days without always having her in my thoughts and that's fine too. Those moments allowed me to meet other people along the way and not see it as something forbidden, ephemeral or inconceivable.

Today, for example, with so much good news and such good people around me, I only had one thought all day. _Her._

Her face continues popping up in my mind, her smile continues to warm my heart, the remaining of her hugs continues to keep me near to her. I miss her and I love her, even though she isn't with me right now.

Maybe someday… one day.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I heard someone say, I was sitting at the bar waiting for drinks for me and my friends, lost in my thoughts, so much that I didn't even notice that the drinks were not only in front of me but someone also talking to me.

I looked up and beautiful eyes looked back at me. She moved to serve another drink, but my eyes never left her, I felt the palm of my hands tingle and my skin bristle at the sound of her voice. "Just thinking about all the good things that this day brought me." I said slowly, she smiled at me and I forgot how to breathe properly.

"I heard that, congratulations." She said while smiling widely. I noticed that she was wearing her hair in a loose ponytail, her face lit up only with lipstick and mascara, she wore a white t-shirt and blue jeans. She looked so beautiful that I had to blink several times to confirm that it was indeed her. "From the house." She pointed to the glass of white wine that just served for me. "I hope you still like it." The latter said it almost shyly.

"I still like it, yes." I responded quickly, we looked at each other a little longer until I couldn't help asking. "Now you're a bartender?" In my question we both laughed out loud.

"I was wondering when you were going to ask that question." She began by saying, "What can I say? I am a business woman, I always look for new business. This is my bar." Her face lit up with a huge smile, which made me smile in return. She leaned over the bar, placing her elbows on the stylized wood piece before saying, "It's good to see you again, Arizona."

I also leaned over the bar, our faces millimeters away, I recognized the scent of her perfume immediately and saw the piece of jewelry that fell between her breasts behind the fabric of her shirt, her hair falling to the side, to that distance I could easily see the freckles on her nose, I never saw something so cute and sexy at the same time.

As I approached her, I didn't feel fear or anguish, it was more like anxiety and readiness to know what would happen next. Her lips were narrowed, her eyes hooded, dark and eager. I could feel the closeness, the attraction, the longing ... the longing for something else, for something better. I finally responded when I found my voice again...

_"It's good to see you again too, Calliope."_


End file.
